Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Orgasm...

...rhymes with sarcasm, which happens to be my thing.

I knew that title would get your attention, ya sick bastards!!

Sarcasm pours from me. Really it does...all the time. I can't turn it off. It gets me into trouble every time I turn around. Especially with people who don't know me. To a stranger, my sarcasm is often translated into me just being a bitch...aaaaaaand sometimes that shoe fits, too.

I stick my foot in my mouth a lot...I do a ton of back-peddling in conversations...I have to explain myself so often. Mostly to people who don't know me. Believe it or not, there are a handful of people that have decided that they could put up with my mouth and call me their friend.

Yeeeeeeeeah, it's actually only one person and I married him so that he would be contractually bound to stick around...and reproduced with him so that he'd have to pay me lots of money if he ever decides tries to run!

Anywho...

There have been a lot of prayer requests going on in the blogosphere lately. Awful pictures of sick kids and dying babies and pleas from everyone and their dog to drop to your knees to pray. Well, we've already talked about that.

But, it's so hard for me to turn off the sarcasm. Like yesterday, I was chit-chatting with my friend, Bubbles, on the topic of prayer. And I said:

"No way, pray away, my friend...tell the big guy I said hello."

Now, I know people take their praying quite seriously...and that's awesome. The thing is, I wasn't mocking prayer...it's just this damned satirical part of my brain that just spits this shit out of my mouth or fingertips before I can even blink.

Another example...I was reading a blog today about an answered prayer. I wanted my bloggy friend to know that I read her post and was thinking about her, so I typed:

"Yay Jesus!"

I did stop myself on this one...I backspaced and ended up not commenting at all. Since I have posted about my personal beliefs, I thought this one might come across as nothing but smug. It was most def not intended that way.

I guess what I'm saying...is that with all these "Please pray for ________" buttons and posts, I'm at a loss as to how to comment. So, if you find a "Yay Jesus" on your comment page of a prayer request...I swear to Jahosephat that it was not meant to offend.

It's just my "I-get-stupidly-satirical-when-I-don't-know-what-else-to-say" way of saying "I'm thinking about you." Deal??

Sorry about "crying wolf" on the whole orgasm thing...we still cool?

13 comments:

Heidi said...

And now we need a post about orgasms. You can do that and not back it up!

Tim said...

I agree with Heidi on you owe us the orgasm post.

So glad to call you my friend, and a good one at that. I love that you actually did what I told you to do and went with your strength, which is satire.. didnt know you would do it starting with this topic, but hey thats just you and its ok. We love you and respect you for who you are and what you believe or dont believe.

It is very refreshing to hear something besides prayer request from time to time your right. I know I have had a bunch lately..
I also know that soon it will subside some, but for now it will be out there allot.

Keep being who you are, because we love you that way!

Love and Prayers,

Bubbles to You
Tim to everyone else

Donnetta said...

Fabulous. I've been doing some serious prayer request shout outs the past week or so. And I'm SO not the big praying kind. I would totally get a kick out of Yay Jesus!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

So you cry wolf when you orgasm?

I usually yell "OH! Tattooed Minivan Dad! You're the best! Your minivan is so big!"

Tell me, did I inspire this orgasm/sarcasm post in any way? Cause it kinda sounds familiar. ;)

Chris M. said...

The smartass/sarcastic comments are what always made me love being friends with you and jake. That is the main reason I became friends with Jake back in highschool. Screw everyone that doesnt get it, thats why most people are unhappy with their lives and want to blame us that are happy and living it up.
Oh yeah, Jesus rocks and GOD is the shizznit.

Kimmy said...

You know, that's very noble of youg that you can come out and let us know this! What a great post, in my opinion! I think it makes you a bigger person to lay it out like that and the fact that you are sarcastic and such and that you don't mean harm with your comments. Kuddos to you!!!!!!!!!

BTW...I like the sarcasm you produce. It's quite entertaining!!

heidi said...

Sarcasm? I don't get people who post sarcastically. When people say sarcastic things to me I am at a loss as to how to respond. I am sarcastically challenged.

Keep it real, yo. I feel ya.

Michele said...

Well, there's a pattern here and so I'll just say ditto. You're adorable and I relate to sarcasm the most. I'm full of it myself, actually and am also a praying person so I don't think it has to be one way or another. You need to read a book called The Shack, even if it's just for an extracurricular activity. This book took a whole lot of weight off my shoulders when it came to faith. I often thought that people that went to church and prayed were a bunch of hypocrites and I didn't want any part of it for a while. I do not believe that we are supposed to constantly judge each other but instead accept and love one another. (cheesy, yes but true) I would love a Yay Jesus and He'd probably get a kick out of it too! Take care Nikki and if someone doesn't get your sense of humor then it's their loss!

Sneaky Momma said...

I have often not commented because I was worried that I would come across as insensitive. I feel that sometimes all I can say is "I'm praying for you" and "Hang in there". :)
I would love to see a "Yay Jesus!" comment in my inbox!

~~Mel~~ said...

I for one love your sarcasm! I totally get it lol.

blueviolet said...

I never really know how to comment on those posts either. Sometimes the right words just don't appear.

Helene said...

Um, you had me at "orgasm"!!

You know, sometimes I have the same issue with leaving comments on certain topics. I tend to be sarcastic to (as if you hadn't noticed?) but when it's type-written, it can sometimes be taken out of context and that's what makes me hesitate in comments sometimes.

And I agree with Heidi...you should dedicate a whole post to why orgasms are awesome!

melinda said...

ok, I realize I am behind the times on the comment section here ... please cut me some slack, I've been camping w/out internet. I think you should just comment "yay Jesus for orgasms"! cut straight to the chase.