Thursday, September 24, 2009

Kids these days...

Last night, I took the boys to Wal-Mart to spend some birthday money.

On the way home, we got to chit-chatting.

Avery made a comment that I "owed him" something, or other.

I jokingly said, "I don't owe you anything. I built you. I gestated you for nine months...I think you owe me!"

Thus, opening the door, to a portion of THE talk.

Ave: Yeah, but, didn't dad help make me, too.

Me: Technically, yes. But, I did all the dirty work. I had to carry you around and grow you from two tiny little cells into a big, fat baby.

Ave: Really?!

Me: Yup. It starts with a tiny sperm cell from a man, and a tiny egg from a woman. Together, they grow and grow and grow, to make a baby.

*At this point in the conversation, I realize...I'm in deep. Really.Really.Deep.*

Ave: So, can they just take those two cells, put them together, and grow a baby outside of a woman?

Me: No, but they can put the cells together outside of a woman, make sure they start growing, then put them inside a woman. It's called In Vitro Fertilization.

Ave: Is that what you did?

Me: No. That's for people who can't get pregnant on their own. They can't do it the old fashioned way.

*I brace myself, here it comes...*

Ave: What's the old fashioned way?

*I decide to spell, since little brother is in the back seat, and I do not need him telling his teacher how the baby got into her tummy!*

Me: S.E.X.

*The boy loses it, and starts laughing maniacally, and nervously.*

Ave: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...OH.EM.GEE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OH MY GAWD. THAT'S DISGUSTING!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OH MY GAWD. That's how I got outta there?!

Me: No. Actually, that's how you got in there.

Ave: OH.MY.GAWD!! OK.OK.OK. No more.

Me: Dude...do you even know what S.E.X is?

Ave: No. Not really. But, I'll just Google it!

Me: NO! DO NOT Google it!

Ave: Why?

*Not really wanting to explain S.E.X and P.O.R.N to my ten year old child, I lie*

Me: Well. Uh. Because. Because. Uh. You can't search that on Google. They don't have that kinda stuff on there. Any questions you have, please ask us. We'll tell you the truth. JUST.DON'T.GOOGLE.IT!!

*Note to self: Disconnect internet service!*

11 comments:

Janelle said...

Yes, disconnect immediately!! Thank goodness he didn't ask how he came out!!

The Queen of Chaos said...

Oh. My. GOSH!!!!

Jamie H said...

LMAO! That was just too funny!

Kimmy said...

LMAO!!!! That is GREAT!! Love it!! You know, I must confess....I SERIOUSLY anticipate your daily blog post!!!!!!! I've even got my friend reading them. LMAO!

Kristin said...

That is freakin' HILARIOUS! Good luck with that one!

Just saying hey, stumbled upon your blog via The Queen of Choas...and I absolutely love it!

So hey there! Kristin here from the big state of Texas!

Jes said...

Oh my! So, I guess Justin might be asking some ques. later? I was hoping to put "the talk" off until next summer. We'll see... hmmm :)

Musings of the Mrs. said...

Disconnect now! I just did a little google search myself and I'm absolutely positive that you must disconnect now!

Kameron said...

Aren't there some parental filters you can turn on or something??

Melissa said...

Yeah, uh let me know how this progresses!

Emily said...

Hilarious!

Lisa Curcio said...

Oh that is too funny! I have found myself in the begging of that conversation several times & I always end up throwing in "Hey, look out the window, did you see that?!? Wow, that was cool" or something like that and it usually distracts them for long enough for them to forget about it.

My kids are so not hooked up to the internet, not without me.