Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday Flashback...

It's Friday.

I'm making it easy on myself and I'm gonna regurgitate a reeeeeeally old post, freshen it up, and pass it off as new.

This is my first blog post, ever, actually.

Another story.

About my boys.

Without further adieu...I give you, "There's a splinter in your WHAT?!!"

So, here's one you probably haven't heard...

The kids were showering the other day. It kind of resembled a drive thru car wash. We were rotating them in, sudsing them up, rinsing them off, buffing them dry, then moving on to the next.

I was drying Jack, and he was complaining about his penis. His complaints reminded me of Avery at about Jack's age when Avery put soap...well...he put soap inside his penis.

You guys probably know about this and can remember back when you were about 5 and made this once in a lifetime mistake. But, for the ladies who haven't been around little boys, it's kind of a rite of passage on being a boy.

I guess, thinking they must be clean from the inside out, or, out of untamed curiousity, little boys will, at some point in their lives, put soap in their penis.


Back to Jack...

He was really whining and complaining, and I kept thinking the thing should have stopped burning by now. So, I decided to investigate.

He's laying down screaming in pain, buck naked on the bathroom floor. Avery is in the background, yelling, "I told you not to put soap in it," and Lily...well, she and I are just both wondering how the hell we're going to survive another 12-15 years with these boys.

After a close inspection, I find a little something on his penis. I'm looking at his thing, with this thing inside it. Come to find out, the kid has a splinter on his penis.

At this point you may be asking yourself the same question I was asking myself....HOW IN THE HELL, do you get a SPLINTER in your PENIS!!!

So, I said, "Jack, how in the HECK do you get a splinter IN YOUR PENIS?!?"

His answer..."My sword!"

It's our fault, really. We potty-trained him by letting him run naked for six months of his life. He grew fond of the feeling of his wee willy bouncing in the breeze, and goes commando quite often. I even get notes from his teacher all the time asking me to make sure Jack has underwear on before school.


You see, going commando is no issue if your weapon is a steel pistol. But, when your weapon is a wooden sword, and that weapon is shoved into your pants while on your way to just MIIIIIIGHT get a splinter in your penis.

I held Jack down while Jake removed the splinter and we just may have traumatized the child for life!!!


Melinda Arnold said...

lol, aren't little boys an adventure?

Kristin said...

Oh my freaking goodness! That is awesome (well not really but...).

I now see what I have to look forward to (mine is only 3).

So how does one get soap in their penis? Not that I am going to teach my son that but just wondering?

I have 2 younger sisters and our cousins (2 of them) are both other than boyfriends, uncles, etc I don't have muc "experience" with little boys!