I never win anything...ANYTHING!! I DEFINITELY don't win contests. Particularly those where the winners are chosen by random generators. Or, call-in contests on radios stations...I NEVER win those.
Until yesterday!!
I was on the way home from school and I changed the radio station and heard the last little bit of a contest...
Cheesy Radio Guy: "Call in now...Caller nine gets it."
*cut to commericial*
So, I start dialing...just thinking, what the hell...why not!! The first several times is was the "All circuits are busy" crap, then on my 5th call...it rings. The dude answers...
Radio Guy: "Who'm I talkin' to?"
Me: "Uh...me?"
RG: "Yeah, YOU...who is this?"
Me: "OMG!! OMG!!! Did I win?? Did I win?? Am I the 9th caller??"
RG: *now laughing at me* "You sure are. Do you have a name?"
Me: "You've got to be fucking kidding me..."
*OMG! Did I just say fucking? Great...I finally win and now my voice won't be heard on the radio, because I just said FUCKING!...NOTE TO SELF: Get those 'How to Clean Up Your Potty Mouth' self-help tapes I saw online!*
Me: "Oh...Sorry...um..."
*quit saying UM...FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!*
Me: "Nikki...My name is Nikki. OMG...I can't believe I won...I never win!!"
RG: "Well, you won today...and on June 11th, you're going to the MMA match at Dr.Pepper Park."
*Yum...did he say Dr. Pepper?*
Me: "MMA?? Dude, I don't even know what that is..."
*now I'm sounding ungrateful*
Me: "...BUT...I still want it. Because I'm so excited I won!! WOOHOO!!"
*Did I just WOOHOO?? Great! I'm such a redneck...I'm just like all those other redneck Texans who end up on the news or radio and sound like backwoods, inbred, morons...yeah...now that's ME!!*
RG: "MMA is Mixed Martial Arts...Cage Fights...UFC...you've heard of that, right?"
*Are you fucking kidding me?? I finally win something, and it's tickets to a GODDAMN CAGE FIGHT!! You mean like this:
PHOTO FROM HERE.
Me: "Oh...OK...I'll take my boy. He loves that kinda stuff."
RG: "Uh...I don't know if it's for kids...it's pretty violent. I mean, they're really fighting...I don't know if I would take a kid."
Me: "Dude...you obviously don't know me!"
8 comments:
Hahaha!!! That's so funny! I never win anything either!
Let me know how that whole "quit cussing" thing works out for ya! I have the mouth of a porta john - yeah the really shitty ones! :o)
Congrats on winning tickets to the crack pepper beat fest! That's awesome and your going to have so much fun. I'm a huge Chuck fan - I could eat him with a spoon. YUM.
Those fights are super violent. I can't even stomach to watch em sometimes. I would definitey reconsider taking the kid!
But congrats for winning. Doesn't it just figure when you finally win something, it isn't something you really want!
Thats Hilarious and I could so hear you saying all of that.
I would LAA HHHAA HHOOOOVVE tickets to any MMA event. I watch it all the time. You mean Jake didnt want to go? You did ask him right?
Bubbs
That is hilarious! Congrats!
You know when people type "LOL" but they don't really mean it? It kinda cheapens the whole thing. SO I have to say, I am Laughing Outloud! It was too funny to just put it in abreviations.
Well...woohoo!!!
Um, I'm jealous. MMA is totally hot. Way better than like, every single other fighting sport.
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