Friday Flashback...

For some reason...this song has been running through my head all day...

So, I thought I'd dig up some old school pics to go along with it...



We graduated in 1995 and didn't get along all that well with the group of girls in the class above us. We mostly fought over boys...stupid effing boys!!

Anyway, it was 1994...our junior year...and it was the Junior/Senior PowderPuff football game. It might've been the most anticipated PowderPuff game in LHS history because of the rivalry we had with the senior girls.

When the game started...we heard the senior's chant from their huddle..."One, Two, Three, Four...Juniors are whores!!!" Good one, right...point Seniors!

We played some football and tore up the scoreboard. Point Juniors!

When that wasn't satisfying enough...we dislodged some bitch's patella!

Aaaaaaaaand....the whores win the game!!!

The following photo is us Junior whores...in one of our training sessions!!



Ahhh...back in the day...

Ear plugs saved my life...

I've told you all that I sleep with earplugs because I'm such a light sleeper. Plus...my kids are growing up and they don't need us during the night very often...THANK GOD! They know that I sleep with ear plugs and just in case they DO need anything...they know to approach daddy's side of the bed.

The way I look at it...I served my time. I endured endless nights nursing their insatiable appetites...rocking them when they were teething...and laying next to them to comfort them when they were sick. I sat up for countless hours taking care of babies while The One peacefully slept without interruption.

Last night, The One Who Gets Away With Murder was sick. As the flow of his bowels was beginning to reverse...he managed to stumble into our bedroom, and like a good little boy, he approached his father's side of the bed. The One is not such a light sleeper and slept through the sound of the door opening...he missed the moaning and the whining...and even missed the first couple of "warning" coughs. Then, The One Who Gets Away With Murder emptied the contents of his stomach all over The One and his side of the bed. I was peacefully dreaming about MarioKart!

While I did eventually have to get up and clean the bed and change the sheets while the boys showered...I felt lucky...I dodged a bullet!

To the ear plugs...those amazing little bits of foam that have transformed my life...I say...THANK YOU! You are, by far, the best $1.99 I've EVER spent!

And, to The One...who was bathed in the bile of a 5 year old while he slept...I say...GET SOME, BITCH!

Lost...you lost me!

I'm about done! I can't keep up...my head is spinning...I don't even care if I ever find out all the secrets of the island...I'm LOST!

As if all the flash forwards and flash backs weren't enough...now they're throwing time travel into all of it! Good guys are bad guys and bad guys are good guys...they're off the island, but trying to get back on...no mention, whatsoever, of the ghostly smoke or mysterious polar bears in quite some time...and the most confusing thing of all...

Hurley didn't lose ONE STINKIN pound while he was marooned on that island?? WTF???

I crossed a line...

Last night, I did something that I'm not too proud of. I did something that can't be undone...opened a sort of pandora's box, if you will.

I wish I could say that it just happened, that I had no intention of ever doing it and that it began innocently...but, that would be a lie. I knew exactly what I was doing...I even had to do a little research before I began.

Part of me wishes I could go back and undo the events of last night...while a bigger part of me is rushing through this post, so that I can get back in there and do it again.

What did I do? What could I POSSIBLY be so ashamed of? Of ALL the things I've posted about, without reservation...like, my HooHa, and this foul act, and this humiliating photo, and how I treat animals...what I did last night, is by far...my darkest hour.

I became an online gamer! There I said it...throw your stones if you must.

I WiFi'ed my Wii and played MarioKart with mr.miagi in Mexico and b-randy in Australia...and I even had the privilege of playing with a kick-ass Karter from right here in the Midwest, RadDad!!

It was fun...no, it was phenomenal! Just knowing that I was playing against real people and not computer generated obstacles, took to my MarioKarting to a-whole-nother level.

So...let me know if you're into this sort of thing. I'll give you my friend code and I will kick your MarioKart ass!! Well, to be honest...I won't kick your ass! I won't even be able to hit you with a turtle shell...I suck! I came in last in all but one race last night! I will talk shit though...regardless of my skillz!!!

Friday Flashback...

Let me take you back 20 years...

For those of you who may be younger than me...and 20 years takes you back to a embryonic, or fetal , or even a seminal stage in your life...I just have one thing to say...FUCK YOU...move on. This post is not for you! Leave us age-ed folks alone and let us reminisce about our youth. Let us remember days when we didn't need things like Weight Watchers, eye-glasses, coffee, moisturizer, hours in the day, peace and quiet, and anti-depressants. You'll get there one day, yourself...and when you do, I'll laugh my ass off. I may be in a nursing home drinking my dinner through a tube, with orderlies wiping my ass...but, by God...I will be laughing!!!

Back to my post...

When I was...about...well, let's just say younger. I was on the tennis team and took lessons in the evenings in a small neighboring town along the interstate. One night, after our lesson, my friends parents took us to McDonald's for dinner. We noticed a huge bus outside, but didn't think much of it. When we got inside, we were the only ones there and approached the counter to place our McOrder. When, lo and behold...guess who walked in and got in line behind us? Milli FUH-KIN Vanilli!!! I know, I know...they were fakes...but, this was BEFORE they were outed as fakes. So, it was exciting. We're whispering and giggling and pointing...just like school girls...daring each other to ask if it's really them. We did...and they were! Their manager offered an autograph, so my friends mom dug through her purse and offered up a bank deposit slip for each of us and a pen.

I remember when Milli...well, maybe it was Vanilli...hell I don't know...I remember when one of them handed the autograph back to me...we shared a moment. Our eyes met, and I knew this was what he was thinking....


But, as fate would have it...my Quarter-pounder with cheese, no lettuce, tomato or onion, with extra pickles...was ready and I had to move on. I'm not gonna lie...the pain in his eyes was heartbreaking. As I walked past the statue of the guy with the flaming red hair and pimpin' yellow jumpsuit, I turned back and looked over my shoulder....this was what I heard him say....


So, there you have it...a brief encounter love affair I had with one of the two most raddest, dread headed, fake-crooners out there!

I think I'm paranoid...

For the first time since I've started this little ol' blog...I had to censor myself. I don't get embarrassed too easily, and there's only a few things that I won't talk about on my blog.

The way I see it...I am what I am...I do what I do...and I consider myself a pretty average person with a pretty average family. So, whatever I'm doing behind closed doors...you probably are, too. Well, there is that one thing I do...that I know NO ONE else does...which is why I'll never blog about it!

My conscience got to me yesterday afternoon...this is what it said.

Angel Me - That post about our professor was pretty mean.
Devil Me - So what...she said all that shit...I only repeated it.
Angel Me - What if she reads it?
Devil Me - I don't give a fuck if she reads it...she talks like a redneck...PERIOD!
Angel Me - Would you please not use the F-word around me...you know I hate it!
Devil Me - *rolls eyes*
Angel Me - Seriously, what if she Google's her students, just out of curiousity?
Devil Me - I would just tell her that I'm not into that sort of thing, but thanks for the proposition...ba dum bum!!
Angel Me - You're so perverted...could you focus on the conversation here! I'm serious!
Devil Me - Okay, Okay...but, I already thought about that. She's not anywhere close to being computer savvy enough to find our blog. She told us so in class! We're cool.
Angel Me - Yeah, but, remember...that girl from Psychology is in our class...you made her mad last semester...she never liked us. What if she finds our blog and shows it to our professor!
Devil Me - Fuck that bitch...I would kick her ass!
Angel Me - Language!!!
Devil Me - Sorry!...Poo on her...I would beat her up! Is that better?
Angel Me - Yes...it is! AND...you wouldn't beat anyone up...you never have and you never will...not while I'm around anyway! You know I'm right. Nursing school is so competitive and what if one of our classmates finds our blog...and shows the post to our professor just to knock out some of the competition?
Devil Me - Fine...I'll take the post off of our blog, if it'll make you shut-up!!
Angel Me - Thanks....What are you doing?
Devil Me - I'm Google-ing the names of our classmates...I'm gonna try to find some dirt on them...you know...to knock out some of the competition. It was your idea!!

The dog next door...

The One Who Doesn't Say Much plays with our neighbor's kid quite a bit. They just got a dog...strike that...they just got TWO new dogs. And what sweet, lovable, perfect for young kids...breed of dog did they choose for their family, you ask!!!

TWO FRIGGIN PIT BULLS!!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME??? THEY'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!

I suspect the conversation went something like this:

DAD - Hmmmmm...what kind of playmate do we want for our children.

MOM - Should we get a cute little fuzzy poodle?

DAD - Maybe a loyal labrador.

MOM - All kids love weenie dogs, what about one of those?

DAD - No...honey...let's get this one.

MOM - The precious little terrier?

DAD - No, silly...the giant bag of muscle behind him that's frothing at the mouth
and is destined to turn on us and eat our children's faces off when we least expect it!

MOM - Yes...that's the one...in fact...let's take two of them. We have two daughters...we should get two dogs...each dog can eat the face off of one of our children!!!

DAD - That sounds PERFECT!!!

A new generation...

Sneaky Daddy touched on this in his Random Thoughts Thursday post and this particular topic BOILS MY BLOOD. So, rather than completely fill his page with my comments...I thought I'd rant about it over here!

Yes...the following post will consist of mostly ranting...consider this your warning!

I know I'm going to age at least a couple of years by simply typing these words, but...here goes...KIDS THESE DAYS!!! Dammit...I just felt a few gray hairs sprout, my eyelids just drooped, and I think my boobs are even a little bit saggier!!!

This generation of kids that we are raising is SPOILED ROTTEN. We have officially made "self esteem" a priority over "accountability." We hear over and over...from Dr.Phil, the American Academy of Pediatrics, our teachers and principals...and even friggin Nintendo...to be careful what you say and do to your children because it will scar them forever if you're not! I don't want my kids to have social or emotional scars...but, THEY HAVE ME FOR A MOTHER...they're pretty much fucked!!!! Aren't scars the road-map to the soul?? Isn't it the tough times that make your grow and learn and evolve? Aren't scars cool???

Now...let me back up just a bit. I'm not saying we should beat our children everyday, or call them names...or purposefully give them scars. I'm just saying that shit happens...and the earlier that you learn to accept that fact of life...the better off you'll be in the long run.

A couple of examples for you that make my head want to explode...

In the 2nd grade...The One Who Knows Everything got into a fight on the playground. Punching and wrestling and kicking this kid. TOWKE is anything but aggressive, so this kid must've really pissed him off. I don't get a phone call...nothing. TOWKE doesn't even get punished for it at school that day, at all. The principal was busy and couldn't deal with him, so his punishment would be handled the next day. The next day, they call me in for a conference. My kid is in this room with us...he's spinning in his chair, rolling his eyes, ignoring the teachers...acting like a TOTAL ASSHOLE. Aside from being totally embarrassed...it was all I could do to keep from jumping across the table and strangling the life out of the little shit!

The principal was asking TOWKE questions, like, "Would you like to tell me how we could help you resolve this problem?"...and, "Is there anything we can do?"...and, "Would you like to tell me how you feel?" I was speechless. My kid, by the way, is still spinning, and eye-rolling and being COMPLETELY disrespectful. But, those questions!!!! Are you kidding me? "How can we help you?" If you want my opinion on how they can help my kid...get a hard pipe-hitting brother to stand over him with a wooden paddle in his hand, beating it against the desk, scaring the living daylights out of him. That's what happened to me when I went to the principal's office...FOR TALKING IN THE HALLWAY...not for GETTING IN A FIGHT!!! I turned out just fine...don'tcha think??? I know corporal punishment is a touchy issue...but, I didn't say he had to beat my kid...just scare the shit out of him!!! My kid learned NOTHING from the school that day...he did, however, learn A LOT from his daddy when he got home!!!

My next big issue, while on a smaller scale, is still proof positive of our spoiled generation. Video games!!!

Do your remember our first Nintendo's? Mario, Contra, Zelda...all that good stuff. You had THREE lives. You had THREE lives to beat eight worlds with four levels each! So, your only option was to practice...practice...practice and become a badass at the game. We didn't have memory cards to save our hard work so that the next time we turn the game on, we simply pick up where we left off. No, we started over from the beginning EVERY SINGLE TIME. We didn't have the internet for cheat codes and crap like that, either. The Contra cheat did leak...you know...up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-B-A-Select-Start...hell, that was a feat in itself...just putting that code in the right way! But, honestly...you couldn't beat Contra without that cheat...you needed damn-near every one of those 30 lives!!!

I digress...

Have you seen the video games out now? The Lego Star Wars games are The One Who Gets Away With Murder's favorites. You have the little 5 hearts at the top and as you get hit, they diminish...I like that. But, when you get hit the final time and your hearts are gone and your Lego guy explodes and all your hard earned gold coins fly all over the screen...do you know what happens next? Do you have to start over? Do you lose all your coins? HELL NO...that might make our kids have self-esteem issues and might make them become serial killers. NO...when that happens...you reappear with full heart-strength...all your coins are on the ground in front of you...you just go pick them right back up...in the EXACT same spot you died!!! What is that teaching our kids???? Nothing about adversity, or determination, or stick-to-it-tiveness, or hard work, or practice.

I know...I shouldn't rely on Nintendo, or the school to teach my kids these things...and, believe me, I don't!

Let me say this...for those of you in the schools, in the trenches and on the front lines with MY KIDS (God help you), all day long...please don't think I'm blaming you. I know you just have to cover your asses. Because for every parent like me...who is begging them to stick-it to my kid when he acts up...there are too many parents who are at the schools complaining..."What did my kid do? You better not punish him?" Taking it all the way up the ladder if their Johnny gets so much as a time out for making sexual advances on a kindergartner!!!

You wanna know what else...when I was a kid...I had to walk to school...everyday...up hill...both ways...in the snow.....

Back to your regularly scheduled blog...

My boy will hate me for this one day!

This conversation took place 5 years ago...

We're at the McPlayPlace and The One Who Knows Everything was playing with a little girl....

TOWKE: Mom, guess what?

ME: What, kid?

TOWKE: I like that little girl.

ME: You do?

TOWKE: Yeah...when I look at her, my penis gets scared.

ME: Your dad will be so proud!

Okay...Okay...I hear ya...

My post today came out of left field...I know. I guess, I owe you an explanation.

The Girl Interrupted post was a true story about a much younger and much stupider me!

I was dating this GINORMOUS ASSHOLE...I say that both figuratively and literally...he was 6'4" and 250 pounds!!! I dated him in high school, followed him to college and he nearly beat the shit out of me! One bruised neck and ego, two police reports, and three months later...the dude was outta my life forever.

I said out of my life...not out of my head. I still have nightmares about this coward. I have a recurring dream that I married the fuck-face and I realize, all of a sudden, that I've been with him all along. I'm running and he's chasing me...I'm desperately trying to escape him...hiding, fighting, and begging people for help. I always wake up just before he catches me in a cold sweat, heart racing and tears rolling down my cheeks.

I try to tell myself that I'm a big badass and that shit doesn't get to me...but, of course, it does. Despite my attempts at convincing The One that I am a Goddess...I am only human! Writing the stories of your life is supposed to help you deal with things and gain a new perspective. If it works and the "lambs" are silenced...I'll let you know!!!

So, there you have it. I'll post a warning next time before I take a stroll down the "dark side." No worries...tomorrow we'll be back to our regularly scheduled blog. Talking about penis' in girls faces...my husband's drinking problem...and my fat ass!!!

Ya'll are kind...thanks for your concern!!!

Girl Interrupted

Her parents tried to warn her about him. All along they saw what her innocence had shrouded. Barely 18 years old and far from home...Mommy and Daddy couldn't help her out of this one.

She was in her dorm room alone with him...her heart was pounding. She wondered if he could hear it, too. She could feel the cold, hard cement wall against her back. His cold, hard fist was clenched around her throat. She was used to looking up to meet his eyes, but not now. He had lifted her off of her feet and she was eye level with him.

She had looked into his eyes many times over the years and had never seen them look like this. She searched his eyes for something familiar, something soft. His breath was quick and shallow, his muscular arms quivered. Her eyes darted back and forth between his...searching...still searching...for something...ANYTHING.

Her throat began to burn and she grew more and more light-headed. He squeezed his other hand tightly into a fist. He drew it back and his skin blanched as his knuckles bulged. She screamed...not out of fear or helplessness. The voice that spilled from her sounded determined, and powerful...it sounded strong. She wondered if he heard it, too.

Her mind raced. It replayed the warnings of her parents. She recalled concerned comments from friends. All the little signs that she missed, or was too blind to see, came flooding back to her.

Then, as quickly as it had begun, he loosened his grip on her neck and dropped his clenched fist to his side. Her feet welcomed the ground beneath her. He walked to the door and without looking back...he left. She slid down the wall and wrapped her arms around her bent knees.

As she began to press herself up from the ground, she was surprised by what she felt. It wasn't fear, or anger, or bitterness...it was peace. He was gone...and there would never be another like him.

Questionable lurkers...

I have the little tool that shows me what kind of google searches lead people to my site. I think I may need to make a few adjustments...I could have a problem.

Do you want to know what string of words are searched most commonly that lead people here...to my blog...the blog about my children and family. It's:

"penis in a girls face"

This phrase leads them to my post titled, Face it...boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.... So, you'll notice that in the title of the post, I have written, FACE it...boys have a PENIS, and GIRLS have a vagina....

Don't get me wrong...I don't judge them for their searches. If some single guy, in the privacy of his own home, wants to see a "penis in a girls face"...I say...Go on with ya horny self, Bri! But, please stay off my blog...move on...this is no place for you!

UPDATE on my Writers Workshop...

I participated in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop yesterday and The One created a list of 6 words he would use to describe me. After recent events, he has revised his list. This is his new list:

STARVED
BITTER
BITCHY
CROTCHETY
SCORNFUL
PESSIMISTIC

I'm a little bitter and bitchy about his new list. If you remember, at the end of my post, I stated, "He is soooo getting laid tonight." Well, he was graciously rewarded for his kind comments last night...only to officially revise his list this morning. I simply made a couple of innocent, and maybe a little harsh, comments, like:

"No, I'm not buying that kind of shit at the store if I can't even eat it!"

"I'm starving...don't you dare ask me to cook your dinner...cook it yourself if you're hungry...there's no way you're as hungry as I am!"

"If you guys don't quit talking about cheeseburgers...I'm going to start cracking some skulls!"

I'm feeling duped...and starved, and bitter, and bitchy, and pessimistic...hell, who am I kidding...he's totally right!

Risky little game...

I've run across Mama Kat's blog several times lately. I think her Writer's Workshop is a great idea on those days when you're at a loss as to what to blog about. For me...a day like today. You see, this is Day 3 of my cleanse...I'm detoxing something awful, I have a caffeine headache, I'm grouchy, irritable...and HUNGRY! I'm just so damned hungry!

So, the topic I chose was a risky one...I asked The One to list 6 words that describe me. I did, however, ask him via email...to give him time to think and weigh his answers carefully. He knows as well as anyone that I am in no mood to be fucked with today...and I'm sure that might have had a some influence on his answers!

This is how The One described me:

Intelligent
Maternal
Creative
Passionate
Loyal
Stunning

He is soooo getting laid tonight!!

Day one...

I'm not skinny yet!

DAMMIT!

The One I love...

Last night, we were back into our old routine. I have to say...it felt good.

However, after my bake-off yesterday...cleaning the kitchen was quite the chore. LITERALLY every single one of my pots and pans was dirty. I was elbow deep in dishwater and shouting the last "I love you's" over my shoulder as the kids were getting into bed. The One was helping...you know, booming, "Brush your teeth," "Get into bed," and "I'll be there in a minute," while watching the Fiesta Bowl on TV.

The kids were somewhat settled and I was in the zone as I scrubbed and washed and scraped the day's food off of a seemingly endless tower of dishes.

Then, I heard it...the silence. It's not something I hear very often, or ever. I immediately thought the worst...The One has suffered a seizure and during his uncontrollable convulsions, he struck the remote and turned the power off on the television. I slowly turned to look back and there he stood, television paused, just looking at me. Our eyes met and the corners of his lips turned up, just slightly, just looking...admiring me, if you will.

No words were spoken...for, after 10 years of marriage...very few are needed. His eyes speak volumes, to me. I felt warm and comfortable and thought about how loved and lucky I am to have a man like him.

My eyes spoke to him next...and they said, "If you know what's good for you, you'll get your ass over here and help!"

Better late than never...

The holidays kicked my ass this year...HARD!

It was all I could do to keep my head above water and not be swallowed up by the ravenous beast that is Christmas! I started the season with good intentions. Intentions of starting new traditions and honoring old ones...baking, painting ornaments and making candy. But, before I knew it...the holidays were upon me. Life moved quickly, as if in fast forward...then, with great force...they whizzed by...leaving me dizzy and confused.

I didn't get around to doing all the things I wanted to do. I told myself, "Maybe next year," and planned on forgetting all about it.

Until today! Today, I decided, screw it...I'm making Christmas candy even if the day is long gone.

As if the universe was applauding my determination...an ice storm blew through today. The colorful landscape gave way to the whites and grays of the wintry air. The branches of the trees hung heavy with the weight of the ice. The children were wrapped from head to toe in knitted hats and gloves, their breaths billowing as they pulled icicles off of ledges to lick. It was the perfect setting to stay home in my pajamas and houses slippers...and bake!



Today...it felt like Christmas!

In mourning...

My mood is more than melancholic.

There has been a death in the family.

We were close.

I can't imagine life without him.

Somehow...I will go on....

R.I.P.


Holy Fuck!!! Yesterday, I knew it was sick, so I started dumping pictures off of it as fast as I could. Then, sure enough, this morning...it gave up the ghost.

Worst part...it didn't die peacefully in it's sleep. It died an awful, humiliating death. I don't want to go into details...but, it wasn't pretty...in fact, it was ugly...and it kinda made me want to take a shower.

So, my posting may be sporadic as the only access I have now is The One Who Knows Everything's laptop. The internet connection is slow and I don't have much patience to spare these days.

Life Lessons of 2008: Number 3

Ain't nothing to it, but to do it.

Since 1998, I've been talking about going back to school "one day" and "hopefully" becoming a nurse. I was always careful to throw those "one days" and "hopefullys" in there...just in case I never got around to it.

After a year or so of procrastination, I started back to school in the summer of 2008. I was so intimidated by that first course...it was hard to make myself sign up for it. I kept coming up with excuses...I missed the early enrollment...The classes that I want are full...It's too expensive, let's just wait...It's summer, I should wait until the kids are back in school.

The One heard EVERY excuse under the sun as to why I hadn't enrolled. See this is another reason I love him so much. He listened to all that, day after day...most men would've said, "Forget it...do whatever you want to do." Not him. He lovingly told me, "Just do it, babe. Don't worry about the money or the kids...we'll work it out...I'll work it out." He's incredible.

So, I did it. I enrolled and have been taking classes for 3 semesters. I love it. It feels so good to be learning again. So good, in fact, that I now KNOW I will be a nurse...and I'm "hoping" that "one day" I'll be a PA or an MD.

One degree at a time!

Life Lessons of 2008: Number 2

AirSoft guns were not the best idea for my boys!

After being shot in the ass, torturing a poor mouse then bedazzling him with the air soft bullet...and a little incident a couple of days ago, the air soft guns are being put away until the boys are much older!

For the safety of our family, we typically keep the bullet cartridge on a high shelf and The One Who Gets Away With Murder is allowed to play with the unloaded gun. He plays with the empty gun often...no harm, no foul.

Well...we're still having problems with mice...and we go out in the garage to check our traps. Good news: We got the leader...this thing was giant. Bad news: the damn thing only got his back legs caught and he was dragging his half-trapped body and the trap across the garage! Soooo disturbing! So, we get the airsoft gun to bedazzle the beast and put him out of his misery. After the mouse was offed, The One makes the mistake of leaving one bullet in the cartridge in the gun and puts it back in The One Who Gets Away With Murder's room. His best friend, Joe...you remember him...he comes over to play. Long story short...it's too late for that isn't it...Jack shot Joe and I had to take this kid home to his parents with a gunshot wound.

I know, I know, I know...Ralphie's parents were right...he'll shoot his eye out with that thing. Don't worry, it's gone!

Life Lessons in 2008: Number 1

New antibiotic allergies discovered this year.

Always fun to discover those. You pop a pill...the same kinda pill that you've taken many times throughout your life and 15 minutes later, the itching starts. Seemingly from the inside out...it's noticed first in the ears. No finger, or Q-Tip can reach this itch. The itch, rather rapidly, spreads over your entire body, and just as you reach for the potato peeler to start peeling away the layers of your skin to find the itch...the hives pop up. Now you have superficial targets...a specific point to focus your itching attention on. This keeps you busy playing Whack-A-Mole...or Itch-A-Hive...and you hardly notice that your tongue is now itchy and your throat has begun to swell.

While still trying to find a way out of your own skin...you hear the sound. What is that whistling? You ask yourself...Has the itch fucked with my eardrums? Do I have a booger causing my nose to sing? Then you realize...that you don't have a booger...nothing that serious...no, it's your airway closing up, that's all! Once that sinks in...you panic just a little, wondering exactly how far this thing is going to go. Are we talking pop a benadryl or two, kick your feet up and relax?...Are we talking call an ambulance? Or, are we talking, "Honey, grab some epinephrine and go all Vincent Vega on my ass...and stab me in the sternum!"

Or, you can do what I did...and drive to the hospital and sit outside the emergency room and wait for things to get better or worse.

That was a fun day!