Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Confessions...

!!!DISCLAIMER!!!

This post is gross. It is childish and mean and...just GROSS!

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Here's a picture from my past that I ran across the other day...I have carefully concealed the identity of the perpetrator of this...this...this foul act! Look at the picture...study it...see if you can figure it out what god-awful thing my friends and I were up to. Now...while reading the rest of this post...please keep in mind that we were about 16 when this picture was taken. Okay...that really doesn't make it any better...16 is too old to be doing "crap"...no pun intended...like this. Here goes....

It was about 1993 and I had just started dating a guy who had very recently broken up with his long-time girlfriend. She was pissed...so was her mother. Her mother worked at the school...she was the drill team sponsor/study hall lady...I don't know...some kind of teacher. Anyway...these chicks were pissed and they made life hell for me and my friends. Her mother was slightly LESS mature than we were at the time...so, she was always in our business and talking about me and my friends, spreading rumors, etc....

My friends and I came up with a plan...a mean and vindictive little plan to get them back. It started out innocent enough...then...well,it evolved...or, I should say it DEvolved!! We set out to toilet paper their house and the conversation went something like this:

SOMEONE: "we should write 'EAT SHIT' on their porch"
SOMEONE ELSE: "we should put dog shit on their porch"
SOMEONE ELSE: "we should stick a fork in dog shit and write 'EAT THIS'"
SOMEONE ELSE: "we don't have any dog shit"
SOMEONE ELSE: "here's a shoebox, let's shit in it and put it on their porch"
SOMEONE ELSE: "yeah, let's shit in the shoebox, stick a fork in it and write
'EAT THIS' with shaving cream on their porch!"
SOMEONE ELSE: "okay, who needs to shit?"

So, there you have it...our plan was conceived. We drove around to a dark alley and stood guard while one of my friends very awkwardly squatted and hovered over the shoe box and successfuly dumped in it. You have to believe me when I say, THAT IS NOT ME IN THE PHOTOGRAPH!!! After her bowels were emptied into the Keds box...we wouldn't let her back in the car with her box of excrement. So, our dear, brave, bowel moving friend ran beside the car, shit filled shoe box in one hand and toilet paper roll in the other...all the way to the house we were targeting.

I know what you're thinking...besides...OH MY GOD, THESE CHICKS ARE SICK. Girls don't do crap...another pun...like this. This is something boys do...which is why I wrote this post. When my friends and I tell this story...no one believes that we really did this. We made a pact that night to deny the shit...again with the pun...out of this. When rumors started flying the next day...we held strong out of loyalty and to be honest, embarrassment...and never broke our vow of silence.

UNTIL NOW!!!!

5 comments:

Darla said...

OMG! I am crying tears of laughter. That was so much fun. Thanks!

Jessica said...

Im silently laughing b/c I dont want to wake up Jack!! What a night, brings back the memories. You know, I kinda miss that shit! AWSOME POST.

Kameron said...

You are too much! You always crack me up! I have only one question...why break the silence now? Just wondering.

All these B's and Me! said...

That is so damn funny! I laughed so hard because that is SO something I would have done back in the day. My thing was egging.. If you pissed me off you can expect for your car and house to be covered in egg.

Ahh, the memories.. What a great post to brighten a "shitty" day, lol.

hsdiva said...

I realize this is an old post, but I just have to tell you that I am LMFAO that you did this. LOL