Dear Santa...

Depending on who you ask...I've been pretty good this year. I'll keep this short and sweet...

All I want for Christmas is the ability to shower, evacuate my bowels and do "laundry" with my husband...without the children banging on the door, yelling through the door, or lying on the floor shoving their hands and/or notes under the door.

I'll level with ya...it's bad. They will not give me five minutes to myself. I didn't need to get rid of my uterus as a means of birth control...the children don't give The One and I enough time alone to ever come CLOSE to reproducing any more of their kind.

Is there anyway you can help me out with this problem? Maybe soundproofing for my bathroom walls, an impenetrable force field I can surround myself with...no, that will inhibit the "laundry"...what about a shock collar or a electric fence to keep them away from the bathroom/bedroom door!!

Is that too much to ask. If you think about it...it's a gift the whole family will appreciate. We all know that this would protect my sanity, which will trickle down to the well-being of The One and the children!

So, think about it...see what you come up with...and drive safe, big guy!

Love,
Nikki

P.S. I am impressing an embargo on the following items...prohibiting them from entering our home...just in case they made it on one of my children's lists:

Guns
Knives
Any sharp or blunt object that can be used as a weapon
Drum sets
Microphones/Megaphones
Amplifiers...the little shits are loud enough on their own!
Wrestling video games...this is for the safety of the dog and others!
Anything worth more than $25 bucks...they will just destroy it or lose it anyway!
Any of those FurReal things...dogs, lions, parrots...those things are just creepy!
No live pets please...I have enough trouble feeding the 5 of us and the dog!

Thanks for your cooperation!