Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Story of Avery...

This is the tale of how The One Who Knows Everything came to be....

Late November, 1998. We had just lived through one of the worst days of our lives...we had survived the funeral of our first born son.

Jake and I had decided that we needed some time. We weren't exactly ready for parenthood when Joey came along. We were young...I was just 21 and Jake was 22. We decided that we needed to spend some time together, just he and I. Enjoy being newlyweds, travel, relax and regroup after the grueling year we'd had.

After the funeral, I slept for a week. When I say that...I mean it. I actually slept for a week straight. The days were so painful and I desperately tried to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of Joey. Keeping busy turned out to be nearly impossible. I was a stay-at-home mom...without my child.

The house was eerily quiet. There were no diapers to change...no bottles to warm...no cherub face to wake up to every morning. I mean...Jake is a handsome man...but cherub faced, he is not!!! It dawned on me one day...

The day that you become a mother...the day that precious bundle is placed in your arms...you tell yourself that you will be a mother forever. Until the day you die...you will mother this child. You do not allow yourself to even consider the thought of outliving this child...of losing the one who made you a mother.

I found myself, all of a sudden...not a mother anymore. It was sickening, sad and unnatural. I told Jake that I had to be a mom again. I couldn't wait...I couldn't busy myself with travel or a job. I could not "be" until I was a mother again. Jake could see the pain I was in and even though he really wanted to wait...he knew the maternal pull I was feeling was not to be ingored. Avery was conceived just 4 weeks after Joey died.

So, Avery...our smart, honest, LOUD, cautious, obedient, handsome Avery...our leader...the one who will do amazing things in his life...you were conceived out of longing and compassion...fear and sadness...but most of all, the undying love a mother has for her child. You resurrected me...you gave me hope and a reason to live.
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3 comments:

The White Family said...

Thank you for emailing me back last night. What you said about the song "God speed" and how it was playing on my page just amazed me. That's god's work for ya. WOW! I love this post you posted today.. made me cry all over again. From now on when I read your blogs I'm going to have the tissues ready, lol. :o) Hope your having a great day.

April said...

Thank you for posting such a touching post. I stumbled on your blog from a comment you posted on a blog I read daily. I just had to comment. Your family is beautiful. I love how you have nicknamed your children. We do the same. I love how they are so individual.

Darla said...

Ok, I'm reading these from the top down and now you've got me crying - just like a good book.