Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Ode to Jack, by Nikki B.

Oh, the places you'll pee...

Little boy, little boy
Where do you pee?
You pee outside.
Under the tree.

You pee in the grass.
You pee in the pool.
You pee at the field.
You pee at school.

You pee on the wall,
You pee on the floor.
You pee on the curtains.
And even the door.

You pee on your socks..
You pee on your shoes.
You pee as much
As a cow moos.

You pee on your brother.
You pee in your eye.
You pee without looking.
Oh, how I could cry.

Little boy, little boy
Where do you pee?
You pee all over.
You’ve peed on me.

Why do little boys pee EVERYWHERE? I'm not really concerned with the outdoor peeing, but the peeing that goes on in the bathroom is what makes me want to slit my wrists. When I clean the kids toilet...I have to scrub baseboards, as high on the walls as their penises can fire, the cabinets, wash shower curtains, clean the sides of the bathtub, the ENTIRE toilet, and anything else you can think of...it's probably soaked with urine, as well.

I picture him in there...initially having every intention of hitting the toilet...then I don't know, maybe he hears a noise...I picture him spinning 360 degrees...STILL PEEING...showering the entire bathroom with urine. You wanna know the cleanest spot in the bathroom? Inside the toilet!! I don't know if he's ever peed in there!!!
**UPDATE**I read the poem to Jack and he said..."Uh...how'd you know, mom?"


Kameron said...

Once again you had me in stitches! Right now I guess I'll just be happy with the fact that my boy only pees in his diaper and the floor occasionally if I am stupid enough to let him run around naked!

Heidi said...

How cute is your new header!!! You are going to have to teach me Obe One. And I am going to have to stop reading your post, I am sorry, but you just give me nightmares of the future. I can't raise a boy.