Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I have written permission to blog this…

It was late Saturday night…technically, early Sunday morning. 

We were done with the shows.

We were heading in for the night. 

I sat outside the CVS, waiting for Jake.

Streams of party-goers exited the store. 

Snapping packs of cigarettes.  Just one more pack, to finish up the night. 

Opening bags of Funyuns.  Feeding their drug-induced munchies.

Refilling ice chests with cases of beer.  The last run of the night.

When, out walks a sad, pathetic, Amish looking dude, with a plunger thrown over his shoulder!! 

I couldn’t help but laugh…albeit, a pitiful one!

Somewhere in Austin, a toilet was plugged, and this sad soul had to get out in the middle of the night, to buy a plunger.  While the younger versions of himself were stocking up, for a long night of partying, this ghost of a twenty-something, had to make the walk of shame, out of the CVS, with his plunger. 

That plunger read like a sign that said, “I’m old.  I’m nasty.  I took a giant shit, and stopped up the toilet, and now I have to fix it.  Boo-hoo!”

That man…was my darling husband!! 

Our friend and his girlfriend passed out, while Jake was in “the office,” and they were not aroused by our banging on their door, our, “Uh…we have a toilet emergency” shouts, or even the last resort text message that Jake sent, requesting the location of their plunger.  They slept through it all, leaving us only two options…

1) Pack up and leave right then.  Just go home.  Never talk to our friends again.  Cut all ties, and never speak of this incident.

or,

2)  Hit the streets of Austin, in search of a plunger. 

We opted for number 2, obviously.  When we returned back to our friend’s home with the plunger, and the toilet was flushing freely, we settled into bed. 

Jake said, “Damn!  That is like your worst nightmare, ya know?  That you stop up someone’s toilet.  That sucked.  If only I could get his phone, and delete the text…he would never have to know that ANY of this happened.” 

I said, “Oh yeah!  Well, what did the text say?”

Jake replied, “It said, ‘Dude…where’s your plunger?  Nikki needs to know.’”

Asshole!!

When we visit our friends, and they visit us, we’ve left notes on dollar bills.  Just with the date…a quick note…thanking them for the good time. 

This trip, instead of writing on the dollar bill…we wrote on the handle of the plunger, and left it for them to find, after we’d left!

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17 comments:

dkmissie said...

OMG how funny and not at the same time.That is my worst fear when we visit people.
What did your friends say?

Tracy said...

OMG! I laughed so hard. Thats so freakin' funny.

This Daddy said...

That is funny. So when T and I come back to visit my family in San Antonio, can we come by and use your bathroom, I swear it will be for the kids and not me?

Kimmy said...

OMG!!! That's friggen hilarious! Great pic though. Plunger or not, still a great pic :o)

Bridget said...

Oh, too funny!!! That would definitely be a nightmare.

Kristin said...

Freakin' hysterical and so original!

Good times!

Kristin said...

Freakin' hysterical and so original!

Good times!

Jess said...

That's funny! :)

Donnetta said...

That is HYSTERICAL. I'm truly laughing out loud! Baby Chicklet wants to know what's so funny...

Kameron said...

I'd laugh but that damn story hits too close to home. Remind me to tell you about it some time...not on my blog! Who the F doesn't have a plunger in the house? It needs to live right next to the toilet. Gah!

Mama SeWELL said...

OMG dude its midnight and I almost peed my pants laughing so hard. You are so good at writing, wanna fly to FL and make some quick cash-ola? See I have this english teacher that im really ready to kill, and something to do with a 800-1200 word essay about a fn oreo ad! Seriously if you can write about a plunger and be this damn funny I know youd own that oreo paper! So....how much would it take?!? I know you had a blast!

S.I.F. said...

I love the laughter you provide me! Seriously, so funny! I totally would have tried to get the cell and delete the text too!

Wendy said...

Hyserical story!! Reminds me of the time my husband let the UPS guy use our toilet with me giving him the evil eye for doing so...and as it turns out, with good reason. Not only did he take a huge shit, clog our toilet, but he let the water continue to overflow and just walked out with a "thanks alot"!! Needless to say, no workmen of any type are allowed to use our bathrooms!! =)

Brandi said...

I've been lurking for a while but HAD to leave a comment on this entry because this kind of thing? STORY OF MY LIFE. Thanks for the laugh!

Lolidots said...

That is so awesome! I love the text he sent!

I'm totally not having the blog party at my house! Ha!

Lolidots said...

Hey! I tagged you in a game!

http://www.lolidots.com/loliblog/handwriting-and-some-attitude

Candi said...

OMG you need to have a warning on your blog that says "DO NOT READ IN A PUBLIC PLACE LEST PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE CRAZY FOR HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD AT THE COMPUTER!" LMAOOOOO