Play ball…

We moved Jack up to Coach-pitch this year, because…he’s GINORMOUS.  He’s rough.  And he said that after a season chock full of home runs, and even a grand slam…”T-Ball was too easy.”

So he’s playing with the big boys.  The kids who are his sister’s age.  He was nervous about it.  When he saw how much bigger some of the kids were, his confidence was shaken. 

It only took a few glances to Mom, for reassurance…

Some seeds in the dugout, to make him feel like a ball player…

    

First time up, he was tagged out at first, but, his second time…he got himself a double.  Which was good for getting rid of the nerves!

 

Even still, by the end of the game, he’d managed to get his underwear into a wad…

The life of a ball player!

They’re definitely addicting…

Saturday night, the kids were hanging with my mom.  Jake and I went to eat oysters, then, went to hang with good friends. 

I wasn’t feeling great.  I was suffering the lingering effects of a domestic dispute (no pun intended, Allie!) I’d had with a box of wine, the night before.  A conniving little bitch, that Crisp White Zen, is.  She got loud, and rowdy, and we had a fight.  It was ugly.  I threatened to leave her, and never see her again.  She apologized, and seemed sincere.  She doesn’t normally treat me like that.  I will likely forgive her.  I just can’t quit her!   

Anyway…

I’d decided that my vice for the night would be to get the new tattoo that I’d wanted. 

When I’m in school, and later working, I figure that I won’t be able to wear my wedding ring, due to the constant hand washing and glove wearing.  I didn’t want to put my ring on a chain.  I would worry that it’d fall off.  I have bad luck with valuable necklaces. 

The obvious solution to this non-problem, for a tattoo lover, is a finger tattoo.  I added another to my collection…

I asked Jake to pick the symbol, or design for it.  Just for fun.  His first idea was to tattoo, “EL TORO,” on my finger.  The Bull, en espanol…for the first part of our last name.  I thought it was hilarious, and genius, and damn-near went through with it.  But, I came to my senses and figured that a finger tat isn’t very “professional,” and one that says “EL TORO,” is straight up gangster!!!  And a gangster, I am not!!

I love it. 

SXSW Wrap Up...Day 2

More great music...

My iPod is happy!!

Took me forever to figure out that this chick isn't M.I.A., but collaborates with her.

SXSW Wrap up...Day 1

I love me some music, and I love love love finding new favorite bands.

Here are the highlights from day one at SXSW. My fave songs, from my fave shows!!

Cool band...cool movie...badass song!






Damn I love Austin!

What do I know…

Part of the reason that The One Who Knows Everything and I butt heads so often, is because I’m a know-it-all, too.  So, it’s this battle of the brains/wills/egos…any time he and I have a conversation. 

It’s awful!

Especially, because that boy of mine can know-it-all me right under the table, with ridiculous accuracy!  He’s good! 

He got a new book from the library yesterday.  It’s about the body.  Gross stuff…about poop, blood, scabs, and vomit…but, educational, nonetheless!  After our conversation this morning…I know he only got that book, to try to one up me, since I’ve been taking classes for nursing school. 

He said, “Hey, Mom!  Did you know that when we breathe.  It’s like this cycle. A kinda long cycle, actually.  Where our lungs breathe in oxygen.  And get rid of…like…carbon dioxide, I think.  Yeah, carbon dioxide.  And our blood cells carry the good stuff around our body.  And they carry the bad stuff out…”

Pressed for time, and patience, I interrupted him, “I know, Buddy.  It’s pretty cool isn’t it?  The body is amazing.  That’s the kind of stuff I’ve been learning in my classes.  Hurry up.  Eat.  You guys gotta get going.”

He went in for the kill, “Yeah.  But, Mom.  It took you, like, a YEAR to learn that stuff.  I learned it in one paragraph.”

Suppressing my own know-it-all-ness, I agreed, “Yeah, Buddy.  It seems like that, doesn’t it.”  When, really, I wanted to say, “Don’t make me get out my transcript, bitch!” 

Sobering up...

I've been on "happy pills" for about six years now.

Six years ago, the perfect storm of life situations collided, and sent me spiralling into a depression.

1) Jack was born. I love that little shit, but, he has been a hard child to raise, thus far!

2) My parents divorced after almost 30 years of marriage. I thought being a grown up would mean that my parents' divorce would be no skin off my back...I was wrong!

3) I was expecting too much out of my husband. The poor man was busting his hump to keep me happy, and I was expecting more.

I was having horrible physical symptoms of my depression, and finally, decided that I needed pharmaceutical help.

I had been really against it. I told myself that I had survived the death of my child...I buried my boy...that if I could make it through that without drugs, then I could make it through anything without them.

Until that perfect storm.

I was put on anti-depressants, and slowly the fog lifted.

Jake would tease me that he hated that it took drugs to make me love him and happy with him again. I gave him two options. 1) No pills. I'm a bitch. He divorces me. Then gives me all his money every month in child support. 2) I take the pills. Life is good. He gets laid regularly. And keeps his money.

He liked option two.

The pills were needed and were helping, but, I didn't want to stay on them forever.

Periodically, over the past few years, I have tried to come off my "happy pills." My efforts were futile. Within a week, or so, of the last pill I would take, the clouds of depression would begin to roll in again. The idea of the depression returning...was depressing on it's own.

This year, we made some big changes. I've shifted some perspectives that have needed to be shifted regarding patience, and control. We pulled the plug on the television, freeing ourselves from it's chains. This year just started off right. It felt good.

So, at the very beginning of it, I decided to wean myself off my "happy pills" and give it another go...to try to sober up. I weaned a bit more slowly this time. Maybe that's made the difference. Maybe I've changed. Maybe the timing was just right. I haven't taken an anti-depressant since late January.

So far, so good. This is as far as I've ever gotten. I am constantly scanning my moods, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. It scares the shit out of me, honestly. Any time there is the slightest change to my mood, or mind...I clench my teeth, and feel my neck tighten just a bit. Bracing myself for the fall.

As of today...I haven't fallen.

My mind feels clear.

My laughter feels genuine.

I think I'm okay.

Those pills can suck it!

I have written permission to blog this…

It was late Saturday night…technically, early Sunday morning. 

We were done with the shows.

We were heading in for the night. 

I sat outside the CVS, waiting for Jake.

Streams of party-goers exited the store. 

Snapping packs of cigarettes.  Just one more pack, to finish up the night. 

Opening bags of Funyuns.  Feeding their drug-induced munchies.

Refilling ice chests with cases of beer.  The last run of the night.

When, out walks a sad, pathetic, Amish looking dude, with a plunger thrown over his shoulder!! 

I couldn’t help but laugh…albeit, a pitiful one!

Somewhere in Austin, a toilet was plugged, and this sad soul had to get out in the middle of the night, to buy a plunger.  While the younger versions of himself were stocking up, for a long night of partying, this ghost of a twenty-something, had to make the walk of shame, out of the CVS, with his plunger. 

That plunger read like a sign that said, “I’m old.  I’m nasty.  I took a giant shit, and stopped up the toilet, and now I have to fix it.  Boo-hoo!”

That man…was my darling husband!! 

Our friend and his girlfriend passed out, while Jake was in “the office,” and they were not aroused by our banging on their door, our, “Uh…we have a toilet emergency” shouts, or even the last resort text message that Jake sent, requesting the location of their plunger.  They slept through it all, leaving us only two options…

1) Pack up and leave right then.  Just go home.  Never talk to our friends again.  Cut all ties, and never speak of this incident.

or,

2)  Hit the streets of Austin, in search of a plunger. 

We opted for number 2, obviously.  When we returned back to our friend’s home with the plunger, and the toilet was flushing freely, we settled into bed. 

Jake said, “Damn!  That is like your worst nightmare, ya know?  That you stop up someone’s toilet.  That sucked.  If only I could get his phone, and delete the text…he would never have to know that ANY of this happened.” 

I said, “Oh yeah!  Well, what did the text say?”

Jake replied, “It said, ‘Dude…where’s your plunger?  Nikki needs to know.’”

Asshole!!

When we visit our friends, and they visit us, we’ve left notes on dollar bills.  Just with the date…a quick note…thanking them for the good time. 

This trip, instead of writing on the dollar bill…we wrote on the handle of the plunger, and left it for them to find, after we’d left!

Revisiting, “My hometown…”

I have an update on  this post! 

About this billboard…

We passed by the infamous "Stop vegetable abuse" billboard this weekend, after picking up the kids from my MIL's, on our way back from Austin. 

I had kind of forgotten about it, when Jack yelled from the back seat, "HEY!  look at the giant pickle!!" 

Avery corrected him, "It's not a pickle, stupid, it's a zuchini." 

Lily, a pickle lover, said, "No.  It's a pickle.  With a face."

They argued amongst themselves for a few minutes, and none of them, all of whom can read, ever noticed the "Stop vegetable abuse," or, the underlying message.  It flew right over their pretty little heads!! 

So, if I were on the show, Mythbusters, this one would be BUSTED!!!! 

My 10, 8, and 6 year olds are not traumatized, neither are they now privy to the masturbatory practices of some desperate women.  To anyone who thinks the billboard is offensive, lighten up! 

2 out of 3 kids agree that it's just a cute, giant pickle with a face...1 out of 3, thinks it's a zuchini!!!

Fun with Facial Hair…

Not mine. 

I don’t have facial hair.

Yet.

Jake’s.

He thinks it’s fun and hilarious to go into the bathroom with one facial hairdo, and come out with another.  Seriously, when I hear the buzz of the clippers, I never know what he’s gonna look like, when he comes out.

In the spirit of the season, last week, he came out with an Irish-y type of beard.  I don’t know if it’s Irish, but, the leprechauns sport it.  In fact, when he first came out with his new do…he looked not unlike this…

*shivers*

Creepy!

Here’s a recent pic of us at SXSW, and Jake sporting his new, fresh, Amish/Irish, bald lipped look…

Funny thing…he forgot about his “fun with facial hair” day that he’d had, and last week, he went to renew his drivers license!  Do you know what that means??  It means that for the next TEN EFFING YEARS…he’s gonna look like a leprechaun on his DL photo!!

Livin' it up...

I'm livin' it up this weekend, in Austin, at SXSW.

I love this town.

I love the freaks, the hippies, the hipsters, the gays, the music, the flip-flops, the food, the colors, the retro vibe, the laid back air, the festivals, all of it.

Mannequins…

If you don’t give a boy something to do…he’ll find something to do! 

I looked up from the sale rack, to find this…

It wasn’t me…

The people who invented Sharpie’s are assholes!  They can’t have kids.  There is no way, that they have children.  For, if they did…then ALL OF THEIR SHIT, including THEMSELVES, would be covered in Sharpie.  They would have lost their minds…and they would’ve shut down production of the most permanent marker in the universe!

I don’t know what it is about kids and Sharpies…but, they can’t resist them!!  If you have kids…and you have a Sharpie in the house…then, somewhere in, or around your home…something valuable is covered in Sharpie! 

Right now, I have an antique dresser of my great aunt’s…COVERED in Sharpie.  My laminate countertops…have Sharpie on them.   Kids love them some Sharpies!! 

Look at this…

That’s the side…of my neighbor’s HOUSE!

That little shit wrote on the neighbor's house!!  He knows better than to color on our house…but, I forgot to tell him that he also shouldn’t write his name, with a SHARPIE, on the neighbor’s house!! 

You wanna hear the brilliant part of it?

Jack did it!!

He wrote his brother’s name…on the neighbor’s house…in Sharpie!  Classic shithead brother thing to do, isn’t it!  Avery was framed.  I was angry…I felt bad…I yelled at the kid…made him apologize, and offer to help clean it up, but, I just had to laugh! 

Jesica…most likely does NOT think it’s funny, in the least, and for that, I am sooooooo sorry, Jes!  I promise to get Jake and Jack to figure out a way to clean the graffiti off your house!

I love how the boys scratched it out…thinking that would cover their tracks!  

In Like Flint…

“Congratulations on your your acceptance into the ADN Nursing Program…”

That’s right!  And they’d betta had…shooooot!!

Finally…at long last!  This fall, I will officially be on my way to making my dream come true!

The One Who Knows Everything…

He doesn't actually know everything...but, he knows a lot.  Sometimes, I actually get mad because he's so smart.  I love it that he's smart, but, sometimes...he knows things that I don't know. 

When he learned to read, in Kindergarten, he spelled everything. 

Everything.

He would spell the words he would say, rather than saying the words.  Whole sentences...whole conversations with spelled words.  Not slowly spelling, but, fast.  Spelling the words so quickly, that sometimes, I would have to ask my 5 year old to slow down, so that I could keep up with him. 

"AYCH-EE-WHY, EM-OH-EM...SEE-A-IN...DOUBLEU-EE...GEE-OH...TEE-OH...TEE-AYCH-EE...PEE-A-ARE-KAY...TEE-OH-DEE-A-WHY?"

I would answer, he would beg me, by spelling the word, 'please.'  It would make my head spin.

He was on the UIL math team, this year, and all the math was done in their heads.  He would come home from practice, and ask, "Mom, is 253 x 127, 32,131?"

How the eff am I supposed to know something like that off the top of my head??  I would distract him as best I could while I thumbed through my calculator on my cell phone, searching for the answer to a math problem he was able to do quickly, in his head. 

I swear he was doing it just to mess with me! 

Today, we took the kids out to eat, and near the end of the meal, Avery asked, "Mom, do they have onomatopoeia?"

The word flew right over the heads of everyone at the table.

I vaguely remembered that it was a literary term, and knew it was not the word he meant to use. 

I said, "What did you just say?  What was that word?"

Avery said, "Onomatopoeia.  I know it's the wrong word, but, I couldn't remember what they were called, and I knew that was close."

I was curious, and asked, "Onomatopoeia...where did you hear that word?  Do you know what it means?"

Jack started chanting, "AWNO-MATO-PEEEEEEEE-YAH...AWNO-MATO-PEEEEEEEE-YAH," and sounded rather like a mantra that a monk might chant!

Jake thought we were all full of shit, and that the word was made up!

Avery explained, "Yeah...it's a term in writing to describe the sound that something makes.  Like, swoosh, bang, or, moo."

There we sat, being schooled by our ten year old on literary terms and stylings...all because he knows the term 'onomatopoeia' and it's definition, but, could not, for the life of him, remember the name of the delicious, Mexican pastry, 'sopapilla.'

Boys...

Jake and our friends from high school have a forum where they hang out. I don't have a penis...so, I'm not allowed on this forum. I don't care...I didn't want to be part of their stupid forum anyway.

The other day, Jake was surfing, and I saw over his shoulder a post about a baby. Jake is always forgetting to tell me about baby news, so I looked closer, and asked, "Awwwwwww...who's having a baby?"

I looked closer at the author of the thread, and it was a person by the name of Dawn Keybolls. All these years of him telling me that my vagina was keeping me from hanging out with my friends...and they let this Dawn person on there. I didn't even remember a Keybolls from high school.

To be honest, I was pissed, that Dawn's husband, Mr. Keybolls, was whipped, and allowed his wife on the dude forum!

I asked Jake, "Who's Dawn? I thought y'all didn't let chicks on the forum? Who the hell is Dawn Keybolls?"

Without turning from the computer, Jake started to chuckle.

Annoyed, I said, "WHAT? What's so funny? Who is it? Why are you laughing?"

Still giggling like a school girl, he said, "Say it again."

More annoyed, "WHY? Dawn Keybolls."

In a full on laugh, he said, "Faster."

"DawnKeybolls. DonKeybolls. Donkey Balls??"

Sounding like Bevis, or Butthead, he said, "Huh-huh...you said 'donkey balls!'"

Reeeeeeeeal mature boys...REAL MATURE!

Real mature...and effing genius!

It's bugged me ever since, that while I enjoy the women I chat with in forums, we're not smart, sick, or twisted enough to come up with a magnificent moniker like "Dawn Keybolls!!"

Black and White Wednesday…

A lyricist…

Avery can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but, he' has been writing little songs since he was two! Yes…TWO!  I’m telling you…he’s a grown up trapped in the body of a little boy!

At two, there wasn’t much substance to his ballads.  In fact, it’s probably safe to say, that there was no substance, at all.  Back then, he sang ballads about his new baby sister…he sang songs about the swing set…and crooned over his matchbox cars!

He still writes songs.  They’re still not very poignant, or deep…but, maybe I just don’t get them. 

I was cleaning out his folder the other day, and came across these lyrics he’d penned…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This one, I am told, is a rap, of sorts.  It’s fun, it’s catchy…and I have to say, he’s getting better! 

Lennon, Dylan, Willie…Eminem…look out!

Baller…

Lily’s team was knocked out in the first round of the playoffs, and this was her face of defeat. 

Her brother’s team, ended the regular season at 8-0, progressed through the tourney, and will play in the championship game, next Saturday, against a big rival team of classmates!

This, is either the face of a confident ball player, ready to clench the title…or, the face of a boy stoked about his Skittles!

Six word Saturday…

“You just can’t win ‘em all…”

Go long, Jimmy…

REALLY?? 

Jimmy Johnson is the new spokesperson for Extenze Male Enhancement pills!

Jimmy “Former Dallas Cowboy Head Coach” Johnson!

Jimmy “Back to back Super Bowl Champ” Johnson!

Jimmy “Famous Sportscaster” Johnson!

Jimmy “I’ve got plenty of money, so I wipe my ass with it” Johnson!

He’s gotta be somebody’s granddad, or something!

“Look kids!  There’s PawPaw on TV…selling his penis pills!!” 

Was there not a better representative for their product?  Who wants to think about, and buy a product, because of Jimmy Johnson’s “johnson”?

Congrats, Jimmy “Now I’ve got a Big” Johnson…you’re a sellout!!!

10 Year Game…

Robin at Lolidots tagged me on the 10 Year Game, so I’m playing along.  Thanks, Robin!

Simple game.  Describe where I’ll be/hope to be in 10 years, and tag 10 people to play along!

The year 2020!!!  WTF??  If it’s 2020…then, I should be living in a sky-apartment, with a flying car, a robot maid named Rosie, and a talking dog named Astro.  My boss, Mr. Spacely, will probably be an ass!

Or not…

I will be…well, 10 years older!  I’ll be 42!  Jake and I will have been married for…21 years!  I expect that the only thing I’ll feel, 21 years in, that’s different from 11 years in, is a whole lot more more love and life experiences to smile about!!

The kids will be 16, 18, and 20!!!!  HOLY SHIT!!  Which means, I will be on Zoloft, Xanex, and horse tranquilizers, just to stay sane!!  If they’re anything like their father and I, there is a slight chance that I could be a grandmother!  Unless they find a cure for teen pregnancy in the next 10 years!!  On the bright side, it means 2/3 of my brood, will be very, very close to making their own way in the world!!

I will be a nurse.  Hopefully, in 10 years, I will have my Master’s, and will be working as a Transplant Coordinator.  That’s my dream job. 

I may not have a robot maid, but, I hope to have a maid.  It’s one of the first things I will buy with my income!!  I hope to have a little space for photography.  Maybe a small studio on our property.  I love it, and hope that I’m still passionate about it in 10 years! 

I hope to still be writing…blogging.  I don’t know what blogging will be down the road, or, if it will be, but, I hope to find, or maintain, some sort of outlet.  I’m sure, 10 years from now, I’ll get a kick at reading through the posts of this blog, and laughing.  Laughing at myself…my naiveity…and the memories that we’ve made.   

I don’t expect to be in our dream home, just yet.  We’re going to let Jack finish high school, before we pack up and move to Austin.  So, in 10 years, we might just be in the beginning stages of preparations for that. 

While having teenagers, and young adults in our house will, undoubtedly, be trying, I expect it to be somewhat rewarding, to begin to reap the benefits of our child rearing.  To watch them venture out on their own.  To watch them fall, and fail.  To watch them pick themselves up, and to watch them succeed! 

Now, for who I’ll tag…

Kameron

Kristi

Kristin

Ali

Jes

Donnetta

Margaret

Stacey

Kimmy

Katrina

Bloody Wednesday…

Looks like somebody got their ass kicked in their dreams last night!!!

 

The boy inherited the leaky nasal blood vessels of his father.  Waking up like this…is a common occurrence in our house!  For the boy anyway.  Jake has outgrown it.  The boy, on the other hand…let’s just say, if you sprayed a little luminol in his bedroom, it would light up like the Las Vegas strip!!!

30 days…

It's been over thirty days without television in our household. 

Everyone has adjusted nicely.  I haven't heard anyone whine about missing their shows in quite some time. 

We're even watching less TV online these days. 

Jake found a website that airs the Mavs games.  So, he's able to halfway keep up with that. 

The kids do watch a lot of movies, and are currently quoting "Master of Disguise," day in, and day out. 

"Turtle...turtle...turtle..."

"Become another person...become another person...become another PERson..."

I haven't even seen the movie, and I can practically quote it line for line!

We have regular game nights.  Battleship, checkers, Yahtzee, and Monopoly, top the list of our faves!

We even taught the boy how to play Texas Hold ‘Em the other night!  He’s gotta work on his poker face!

We laugh a lot…

 

We talk a lot.  And had a much too long for my liking, conversation about sperm, the other day!  Don’t even ask me where that topic came from…but, if I had to guess, I’d say Jack started it!

So far, I’m happy.  The kids are happy.  Jake pretends like he’s happy!  We don’t need no stinkin’ television!