Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I like to drink Potent Potables for $2000, Alex...

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Ginny...which, for fun, I like to pronounce with Forrest Gump flare...at Praying to Darwin posed a brilliant question on her blog.

If you were on Jeopardy...what 30 second, interesting little tidbit of your life would you share with the world?

I don't know if you've ever watched the show...but, most of these people are dorks in the highest sense of the word. On a recent episode...one lady's "interesting thing" about herself...one of the events that stands out when she looks back at her life...the thing that she thought all of America would LOVE to know...was that she found a good parking spot in France and a bunch of birds shit on her car! I kid you not...this is what she and Alex Trebec chit-chatted about on the show.

On another episode...the lady's cool fact was that she ALMOST got stopped by border patrol trying to get into Canada. The guy stopped her, asked her the purpose of her trip...then, sent her on her way. That was it! Do you wanna know what would have made that story interesting? If she had said that she had the cold dead body of her ex-husband in the trunk of her car...and ALMOST got stopped by border patrol. Or, if she had 100 balloons of heroin shoved into her vagina and colon...and ALMOST got stopped by border patrol. Those would've been cool stories. That would've been something worth chatting with Alex about!

These were my first thoughts when I read Ginny's post....

Yeah, Ginny...you're right! These people are soooo lame. They lead such dull and uneventful lives. If I were ever on the show...Alex would want to use the other contestants 30 seconds and spend 90 seconds talking to me...because I have a bad-ass life! I could come up with some seriously interesting shit to talk to Alex about!

So, I started thinking about my life. You know what I came up with...NOTHING!! I GOT NOTHING! Bird shit and border patrol...would be a wild and crazy time compared to most of the events in my life! I have decided that I would have to embellish some stories to make me seem cooler than I am!

Like....

"I went parasailing in Jamaica"...which is an entirely true, albeit totally LAME, story. To which, I would add..."When all of a sudden, the cord snapped and my husband and I plummeted 100 feet into shark infested waters. A great white approached me and latched on to my leg. My incredibly brave husband poked the shark in the eyes and punched him in the nose, because we saw on the Discovery channel that sharks hate that. He let go of my leg and we swam to safety!" Then, I would show Alex the scar where I had a suspicious skin lesion biopsied and removed from my leg and claim that it was my souvenir from the shark attack!

PLEASE allow me to live vicariously through you...and tell me...What would you talk to Alex about??

9 comments:

The Thompson's said...

Nikki,

I dont think Im able to answer that question since I woul NEVER be on that show to begin with. Answering an answer with a question, come the freak on. These people are beyond dorks, they are wasted life truly. I would have to think more about your question since I would never be there (just like you) to begin with.

Bubbs

Kameron said...

Tim truly offended me. I WAS ON JEOPARDY!!!! It was teen Jeopardy, but seriously, we are not ALL complete wastes of flesh. I will have to think about what I said, it was so dang long ago that I can't rememebr off hand.

Tatman said...

First of all, your shark infested parasailing trip sounds like a blast! If I saw someone on Jeopardy actually say that then I would probably miss the first couple of answers from laughing so hard.

If I were on then I would probably come up with some crazy story from the days when I rolled around with a metal band called Kuru. Kuru, known a "Mad Human Disease" is actually a disease contracted from eating the organs and flesh of other humans. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuru_(disease)

Would they allow that on national TV?

Jess said...

I just have to say that I love Jeopardy...so also not agreeing with the whole wasted life comment..haha, seemed a little harsh!

As for what I would tell him....I got nothing either. I had a nice chat with a man working at the border crossing last night I went into the states. I'd probably talk about that :)

All these B's and Me! said...

You are hilarious! Thanks for always making me laugh out loud at work and my co-workers look at me like I'm crazy.

Nikki B. said...

Bubbles: I do sometimes wonder how and/or why these people know the shit they know...but, mostly...I just wish I knew HALF of what they know!

Kam: YOU WERE ON JEOPARDY?!!? Wow! I could kick ass at Teen Jeopardy...but, only if I went on as a 30-something disguised as a teen!

Tttman: Dude...you're scaring me!

Jess: That was you??? The lady with the border patrol story was you!!??

Alicia: You've been missed!!

heidi said...

I love jeopardy. Heathens.

I'd say "I've had more bodily fluids on me in one day than you have in your whole life, Alex."

See what he'd do with that little gem. *ahem*

Kimmy said...

I definitely wouldn't be on that show. I would have to come up with something really good about myself cause that would be the highlight of my time on the show since I would probably never be shown again throughout the 1/2 hour cause I can never answer any of the shit they list on there.

So, I would have to say that I have a 3 inch stab wound and then share my scar. Is that Jeopardy worthy???!!! LOL

Nikki B. said...

DING-DING-DING-DING!!

We have a winner...YOU WERE STABBED???

Hell yeah, that's Jeopardy worthy!!

Damn...I din't know you were ghetto!!!