You know...kinda like the acclaimed novel, Tuesdays with Morrie. Only it's not about an "old man," it's about a Redneck...and it's not about a "young man," it's about me...and it's not about "life's greatest lesson," it's about the shit that goes down in the classroom of bonafide Redneck!
On today's episode: She may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but she ain't the dullest either!
I feel sorry for Cletus...I do. Because, the only thing more frustrating than living with the fact that sometimes you don't know the difference between your arse and a hole in the ground...has to be that your profession is trying to teach a class half full of morons the difference between their arses and a hole in the ground!
We had our first exam last night. Even though her test was FIFTY questions, (100% of which were fill-in-the blank and short answer essays...and that is always intimidating) I wasn't too concerned. I don't know if ya'll know this about me, or not...but, I'm a pretty good BS'er. I can BS my way out of a box and I was pretty sure I could BS my way through Cletus' test.
Plus...get this...she reviewed us for a good 30 minutes before the test and gave us time to jot down some more notes. She even asked questions DIRECTLY from the test itself, for us to highlight in our notes. There was a possibility of 116 points on the test...so we had 16 bonus points built in! To top it all off, she said that she would give us 10 minutes at the end of the test to use our notes on any questions that we were unsure of! HOW SWEET IS THAT! I was starting to get a little sweet on ole Cletus!
After the test, she went over the answers aloud while we grade one another's papers. Cletus says it's another opportunity for us to absorb the information...I have to agree. Anyway, the test I graded...the chick made a 60. The chick next to me in class made a 59. The guy in front of me made a 73. After all Cletus had done for us...these yahoos couldn't even swing a "B".
To make matters worse, a few geniuses had the balls to ask if she would be giving us a chance at any extra credit!! One jackass had the audacity to give my dear sweet Cletus a little unsolicited advice on how she could make her tests a little easier to understand. SHE DAMN NEAR GAVE US THE ANSWERS TO THE TEST...she all but hand delivered an easy "A" in a little package with a bright red bow! What more do these people want!!
I was really shocked...I don't know why, but I was. This Tuesday with Cletus...I did learn a little about life. It was further proof that, for the most part, we're a generation of lazy, greedy, self-indulged assholes...who are looking for the good things in life handed to us on a silver platter! I don't ask myself why this country is in the shape that it's in...I ask myself, "Why not?"
That's deep shit from the classroom of a Redneck!!
Oh...you wanna know what I made on the test? Is that what you asked? 110...put that in your pipe and smoke it!!