Friday, February 6, 2009

Your professor MIGHT be a redneck if...


I have a little bit of redneck in me...I do. I was born and raised in Texas...have lived here all my life...and will probably live here for the rest of it, as well. I try to use big words sometimes, and take college courses, and brush my teeth...but, I still have juuuust a little of it in me. It's mostly evident in my speech.

For example.... I don't know why (pronounced whaah), but I say things like, "bless his heart." I say "ya'll", and "ya'll's", and even "all ya'll." I don't yell, I "holler". When I say the word "eye" sounds more like "aah," with an unmistakable Texas twang. Words like went, and dent, and tent...sound more like wint, and dint, and tint. When The One asks me if I'm finished blogging, I will reply, "I'm fixin to be."

I understand that I'm in Texas and even educated Texans use the above phrases and words...but, I expect a certain level of professionalism from my professors when I'm paying $400 a class! I challenge you to put on your best Texas accent...I'm talking go all out...make it as country as you can, and read the following quotes from my Anatomy and Physiology professor's lecture last night...

"I don't mean to be a hard ass, but this is a competitive field and when it gets down to nut-cuttin' time...some of you just can't (the "a" in can't is a long a, as in hate) hang."

"Last semester, I brought a deer into class for us to cut up...but, it froze in the truck. It was cold out there!"

"Any of you go to Padr-y (meaning South Padre Island in south Texas) for Spring Break. I take a tent and a coupla dobermans, maybe a rottweiler, and camp out on (pronounced own) the can learn a lot about biology down there."

"Yeah, if you have any meat that's freezer burned or going bad...just tho' it in that white (pronounced whaaht) truck out there. I'll feed it to my lion (pronounced line)."
*yes, she has a lion...she didn't go into great detail other than she fought the county to keep it...your guess is as good as mine...(pronounced "maahn").*

When a student, who obviously has a lot of redneck in her as well, asked if it's true that a dog's mouth is really clean, my professor with a masters in biology answered...
"Not really...I wouldn't kiss ' fact, I'd rather kiss my lion than my dog. I do kiss my dog on the nose, but sometimes I can smell where he's been lickin' his ass!"
*I fuckin' KID YOU, NOT...she said that!!!*

For the record...I do solemnly swear that these quotes are entirely true and damn-near (that's another Texas thing) verbatim...I couldn't make this shit up, people!!

What'd'ya think? Should I drop the class and ask for a refund???


Kameron said...

I'm glad you brought this back, even though I read it the first time you posted it! Sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade!

Khadra said...

oh my this is hilarious.
Im a Canadian transplanted down here in Oklahoma. I reeeeeeally notice the way people talk. Although I notice that I too am picking up some of the things I used to find funny.

Tim said...

Im so glad you reposted this. It was just as funny this time as it was the first time I read it. YOU GOT TO BRING THE PICTURE BACK TOO THOUGH. That made it legendary.


Jessica said...

No, dont drop the class, then you wouldnt have a redneck section in your blog!! oh boy, I still remember when I moved to MI....I asked for an iced tea and they wanted to ID me...I was 16!! Apparently they thought I was asking for Asti Champagne!! Miss you!!