Friday, February 20, 2009

Hurry'll miss the bus...


Yesterday for MammaKat's writing assignment, one of the prompts was to write about a pet peeve. My first thought was...

Pet peeve, Shmet peeve...I don't have one. I'm cool. I'm chill. I'm laid back. Shit just rolls off of me like water off a duck's back.

Well, I DO have a pet peeve and this is it: I can't stand it when people pretend to listen to you, but aren't really listening. They throw in obligatory "uh-huh's" and "dang's" and "damn, that sucks" and "really's" at all the appropriate places, but you know good and well that they haven't heard one word that you've said. I think it's rude and disrespectful and personally, it makes me feel like what I'm saying isn't important enough for you to pause the fucking basketball game and at least look me in the eyes while you're pretending to listen to me, HONEY!

It's been a while since I've thrown The One "under the bus". Well...I hear the brake's squealing and can see the front of the big yellow thing heading this, baby...the bus is here, let's do this thing!

He never listens to me. He knows it...and bless his heart...he does try. He does this thing where he repeats the last few words I said to give the illusion that he actually followed along in whatever I was talking about.

Like he could be at the computer and I could walk up and hypothetically say, "OMG, honey, today...the doorbell rings and it was the super hot UPS the way., that thing you ordered came in...anyway, super hot guy, so I invite him in. All the kids are at he and I have wild, hot sex right on the kitchen counter. Not much chit-chat...he leaves and on his way out I tell him, 'I appreciate your service.'" And my dear sweet husband who has a very good short term memory will peel his eyes away from the computer long enough to smile, nod, maybe give me a little fake laugh and say, "I appreciate your" Then he's right back to whatever-the-hell he was doing!

Part of the reason it makes me so crazy is that all day...every day...I'm expected to drop whatever it is I'm doing and tend to the needs and whims of EVERYONE in this house. Like:

The One Who Knows Everything wants to tell me...very loudly, I might add...every single thing he's thinking and/or doing so as to be the center of attention at all times. To which I want to say, "WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN PIE HOLE FOR ONE SECOND AND LET THERE BE SILENCE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE." But, I usually don't. I stop whatever I'm doing, put on my best poker face and feed his insatiable appetite for attention.

The One Who Doesn't Say Much wants to play a game of Crazy 8's, or Memory, or Go Fish, or...God help me...her Hannah Montana trivia game. To which I want to yell, "NO...SWEETIE...I HATE HANNAH MONTANA, I SUCK AT MEMORY, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ALL THE RULES TO GO FISH AND...CRAZY 8'S...WELL, THAT'S KINDA FUN, BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW!" Instead I say, "Sure, pick."

The One Who Gets Away With Murder wants to tell me about, "that that movie...where the guy...he goes like this **TOWGAWM jumps, or shoots, or does sound effects, or flips, or all of the above**...and then that other guy was like this **he does some other crazy motion**, wait that wasn't it...the guy went like this **this time he nails whatever he was trying to do**...yeah like that...then they were like, 'whoa'...and then he punches the guy right in the face...ya 'member that part?" And I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH...I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID BOY MOVIE NOW BEAT IT KID." But, I refrain...and stop, turn towards my boy and do my best to follow along in the tales he spins.

The One...well, I'll skip the details...but, he wants what he wants and I want to yell, "OH YEAH RIGHT, FUCK FACE...NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY ATTENTION TO ME. NOW THAT I'M NAKED...YOU'RE HANGING ON EVERY EFFING WORD!!" However, I actually say..."You must've read my mind, baby, because that's just what I wanted to do."

That just gave me an idea...maybe I should drop trou and show him my tits every time I talk to him. Maybe he'd pay a little more attention then!


Tim said...

I just typed a whole freakin long a$$ comment and it totally didnt take it and then deleted it. Sorry for that babe, but I am in so much pain right now, more on that later, I just cant type it all again.

Love and Prayers,


Shelly said...


i so know what you mean! it will make me so mad when josh does this, i will just stop talking mid-sentence and half the time he doesnt even realize i stopped talking! he also does this the very few times i talk to him while he is at work, i can tell by his responses to me over the phone that he isnt listening and i will just hang up.

and the kids...what you were saying about the one that gets away with murder is so jacob! and my jack sounds a lot like the one who knows everything! my jack is just so loud sometime JUST TO BE! he will just shout something that is really not a word and real sets me off everytime! im like do you not think it is loud enough without you shouting something that means nothing...and he is like, but i just like to do that and i am like, WELL YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT MUCH WHEN I BEAT YOU IF YOU DO IT AGAIN!

Kameron said...

My husband is the SAME WAY!!! I think it is a testosterone thing or something!! Oh, but when he wants something, I'd better be listening. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that if you decided to show your tits he would be so distracted by boobies that he STILL wouldn't listen!!!

kristi said... Hubs made a comment to me last night that just took the cake. UGH.

Rassles said...

Love this, because I was thinking, And they're totally not listening, so they train themselves to just repeat the last line you said so you think they're listening when you yell, 'are you even listening to me?'

Then you up and illustrated it perfectly.

heidi said...

Oy. I'm..uh...guilty of this. I do it to Rob constantly. It's terrible, I know. He probably wants to kick me.

All these B's and Me! said...

Huh? What was that you just said? LOL Just pickin! I just smack the shit out of my husband in the back of his head when he isn't paying me any attention when I'm trying to tell him a drama filled story. It feels good and you should try it sometimes. :o) Have a great weekend.

heidi said...

Nikki Sue? Ya redneck queen, you. I gave yous omething at my place.

Katrina said...

I so hear you on this one! My husband will listen intently and then hours later have complete amnesia! I am just amazed that he can appear to be listening, yet nothing gets in!

Michele said...

Once again, you're preachin' to the choir! I've actually given up and now it's my hubby who wants me to listen to him. Go figure.

Lane said...

Yeah, Jill always thinks that I am staring at the dot on her forehead when she's talking. We've done pretty good lately, she's kicked me in the nuts a few times about it, but she's learned that I'll listen on most any occasion but these three.

1. The thirty minutes after I have just gotten home. I unwind a bit and watch Hogan's Heroes or Scrubs and decompress (while having a rugrat or two nearby). If I get that time, I'm usually good for the rest of the night, listening wise at least.

2. The last few minutes of a close ball game involving one of my favorite teams. (Cowboys, Aggies (which I admit doesn't happen too often lately), and Spurs.

Other than those, I have dramatically improved my listening skills.