Wednesday, October 28, 2009

How much for that arm over there?

"So, listen up, babe. This is our new life/medical insurance information. I just renewed it."

I was only halfway listening. I really should pay more attention to this kinda stuff, but, like the finances, this is one of those things that Jake handles. Alone.

Without turning from the monitor, I say, "Sounds good, honey, whatever you think."

Jake, not realizing that I wasn't paying too much attention, continues, "...and the Accidental Death and Dismemberment coverage is whatever-hundred thousand."

*That word is weird. Dismemberment. Dismemberment is what serial killers do to bodies they are trying to hide.*

Distracted by the word, I say, "Dismemberment. Is that, like, if you lose an arm, or something?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

I'm still turning this word over and over in my head, I finally turn from the computer and say, "So, if you lose an arm, I get whatever-hundred thousand dollars?"

Jake looks up from his computer and my eye catches his. He sees where I'm going with this, and before the question is even asked, he says, "Uh...NO!"

"Whatever-hundred thousand dollars...FOR YOUR ARM? You think they're worth more than that? Because, I would consider sacrificing an arm for a nice chunk of cash."

Emphatically, Jake says, "NO FUCKING WAY! Not even for a million dollars. NO WAY!!"

Raising the 'emphatic' bar, I say, "ONE MILLION?!?! YOU WOULDN'T GIVE UP YOUR ARM FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?! I think I might do it! I mean, you would still love me if I only had one arm, right?"

Thinking, which is not what a woman wants her husband to do after being asked this question, Jake says, "Uh...I don't...may...I guess I would, but, I WOULDN'T GIVE UP MY ARM!! Not even for a million dollars!!"

After a little banter, I let it go. We each turn back to our computers, clicking our mice.

A few minutes pass, and I'm sure Jake is no longer thinking about it, but, I was.

Breaking the silence, I say, "Honey, what about a finger? How much would it take for you to give up a finger?"

"What the fuck's wrong with you? It would take a lot. Maybe a hundred thousand. I like all my parts. All of them. I need all my fingers. Not even for the well-being of our family. I'd rather stress over money for the rest of our lives and have all my parts, than live the rest of it worry free, without an appendage! You're such a freak!"

"Well, you're a selfish prick!"

What about you? How much are your arms/fingers/other parts worth?


Kristin said...

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I've commented a few times on yours. Yes, I am an aggie and I live near Houston!

Bridget said...

Bahahahaha!!! Too funny! Michael and I had that same conversation over life insurance. I told him that I made his favorite meal then I asked him if he was feeling okay shortly after he finished it...he was not amused...

Stacey said...

Oh my god! You guys are too funny!

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Well I have a couple appendages that I would like to cash in...maybe you can get a flight to Minnesota, we can go to the Mall of America and then you can chop off one of my limbs. I will get like several hundred thousand and you will get a nice pair of Jeans at Macy's...DEAL?

Kimmy said...

LMAO!!! Sorry but I gotta agree with Jake on this one. Just the torture or torment of losing a limb would haunt me...LOL!

You are CRAZY!! LOL I guess that's why I keep coming back :D

Kameron said...

How much could I get for my pinky toe?? I think that's the only thing I'd willingly give up!

Rassles said...

Take the arm. Take. The fucking. Arm.

Heidi said...

willing to give up an ovary, spleen or perhaps a mole or two... that's about it, and that will probably just cost me a cool million in itself. So I guess I'm better just stuck with what I got.

Michelle said...

That's sick. :)

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