Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Calling all moms...

I'm trying to find the balance between teaching my children and protecting them, but giving them space to learn from their own mistakes. It's hard. Really hard.

I remember when my kids were younger.

When I could guiltlessly strap them into a chair put them in their bouncer...or, lock them in a cage let them play, confined in their cribs...or, strap them into a straight jacket swaddle them tightly. The best part...I could do all those things, and they were too little and helpless to put up a fight, or tattle to authorities...or, worse, to grandma!!

Even if you're not a mom, yet, you likely have it all mapped out in your head.

You already know how you are going to raise your future children...and think that you're gonna have a schedule and strict bedtimes, and no candy, and no sodas, and no fighting. Yeah...I'm gonna need you to let me know how all that works out for ya!!

Maybe you plan on your little dears being respectful, and adorable, and clean, with bows, and perfect parts in their hair, and white sneakers, and clean fingernails, who speak softly with nice words, and sleep in their own damned beds at night...JACK JOSEPH!!!

And then, if they survive toddler-hood, and the preschool have to worry about "stranger danger," and them hanging out with the "wrong kids" (which, might actually be my children), and child predators, or about them taking off on their bikes and getting detained by the police...JACK JOSEPH!!!

So, moms, future moms, new moms, old moms...if you have a mom...if you know a hot mom...please help me out. How are you gonna handle it? How protective are you gonna be with them?

I also started a discussion in BlogFrog on this subject, if you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them.


Stacey said...

I was going to let my kids have whatever they wanted! Yeah..didn't work out that way. Sorry I don't have any answers for you. I'm still trying to figure it out myself!

nettagyrl said...

First off thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving this wonderful comment "raccoons run a very efficient sect of organized crime!! a little wilderness mafia!! " Still laffing.

Ok. I have two boys, 18 and 14 soon to be 15, and I have basically done the single mom thing from day one.

There are so many people with advice on how to raise a child, but guess what? No one talked to my little demon seeds. The things I would never do when I was younger, my own have done in spades.

As of now my soon to be 15 year old is on lock-down meaning he is on a sort of permanent restriction, I need to know where he is at all times. My sister lives close to me so she helps out to. He needs structure and after almost all of his life and a portion of my brain cells that are just gone, I finally got that! He now is getting A's and B's.

Before F's and D's. But will that work for you? Probably not as my 18 yr old who is in college was easy peasy. So sorry I don't have all the answers, just my own. =D

Cat said...

Yay!!! no Disqus!! I hated disqus!! I can comment again and again and again!!! Woo hoo!!

So funny this is your topic. Sean had to analyze personality for class this week and it prompted a big discussion about Riley who is likely to end up like Joey on friends.

I'm an ENTJ and I have a desire to be successful. I could care less about money and have no reason or desire to spend money, but I have a need to be sucessful, busy, have purpose, etc. Riley has been my project. Then I finally send him off to school and I realize that I wasted all my time thinking I might pour any of my morals into him over the years when his personality is in one ear and the other.

As a parent, I'm realizing that if I can get him to school on time that I really just have to tolerate him for a very short period of time and focus on the main things for awhile. He's forgotten his jacket at school three times in two weeks. He gets slower and loses more information every day. I can't pull him out of school or unsocialize him.

I've thought about private school, christian school, catholic school, home schooling and nothing will produce the perfect child.

The best I can do is help Riley be the best Riley that he is. I have to accept that he isn't perfect or even close to a perfectionist and that his mode of living is peer driven.

I'm working on not being the helicopter parent. Riley's smart and even at almost 5 he's more likely to make the right decision if he feels like he made the decision and he wasn't forced to.

Reagan on the other hand is an ENTJ like me. She gives orders and she takes them. She gets away with anything that's not murderous or immoral and she's likely to be a CEO or a president someday.

Riley will be a rock star.

Kameron said...

I have no clue how the next few years and beyond will go. Aaron already thinks of me as the Nazi mom. I am not any fun. I have a set bedtime routine, the boy drinks water for most of the day, I won't let my freakin 2 year old have gum (thanks daddy), he gets treats, but his desert is usually fruit and I am full of nos and don't do thats. I like to think I am loosening up just a little, but only time will tell with the second one and we'll see if I have learned anything. :o)

As for the later years. I can't even think about those without neurons exploding in my brain. I am pretty sure I am slightly stupider than before I had Natey just because of my over thinking!

Jessica said...

Hmmm..this is an interesting question. Since I am not a Mom, I don't know that I am really qualified to answer it..but I am going to try my best anyways!! I don't THINK that I am going to be over the top strict about things..I think that simply has the potential to allow for more rebellion, more acting out. I do think, however, that kids do need structure and a routine. They need to be told what they can and cannot do, to a point..though I don't know exactly what the point is quite yet. I'd like to think that I will provide that structure and routine to any future kids that I may have.

This is Jess, formerly of Pure and Simple Truth, btw. I am blogging again. At this location.

Helene said...

I have done everything I said I'd never do...I let them watch tv, I let them eat candy, I let them stay up past their bedtime sometimes...sometimes I'm all about choosing my battles, kwim?

As far as being protective, I've talked to my kids about stranger danger and how to keep themselves safe. All I can do is pray and hope that if they find themselves in a bad situation, they'll know how to find help.

I think all we can do is provide our kids with the wings and let them fly. And we just have to hope that we've done a good enough job with them to where they'll make good choices. I know my kids will probably experiment when they're older and I have no intention of acting all innocent about my own past.

I think what it boils down to is good open communication with your kids. If they feel like they can talk to you about anything, chances are you won't have half the problems that the parents whose kids don't talk to them do. From what I've learned about you since reading your blog is that you have a wonderful relationship with your kids. You have an open mind but you're also honest with them...and you have a wicked sense of humor, which let's face it, is an absolute must when raising kids.

Sneaky Momma said...

We are just emerging from toddlerhood into childhood. Man. If now is any indication of what the teenage years will be like, well, I may just lose it. :)

heidi said...

Yk what? I think we all just do the best we can. WE set boundaries and limits - because kids can't run their own lives - but we can't protect them from the big bad world. Shit happens. Bad shit happens. Whether it is something they chose or something that was chose for them, I think it's our job to just be there to pick up the pieces, no matter how rough that may be. WE teach them right from wrong and then let them screw up so they can learn from their OWN mistakes. It does no good to teach them from YOUR mistakes, yk? ANd yeah, you know me and my story - sometimes the WORST shit happens and you just...cope and deal and try to remind yourself that nothing you could have done would have changed a damn thing.

Rassles said...

I am not a mom, and I don't plan on being one anytime soon. But I can tell you that I would do my damnedest to ingrain the importance of books, music, and movies, and how the secrets of life are hidden within them. That, and I would make them have pets.

And I'm pretty sure I would let them fight all the time until I couldn't stand the screams any longer, that I would be secretly proud of them for getting in trouble, and they'll probably be mouthy little brats.

Rassles said...

And know-it-alls. My family would be a tribe of know-it-alls.