Making other mothers feel better about themselves...

We had a little incident the other night.

The girl and I were out walking the dog around the block. The One was glued to the television watching some March Madness and wasn't forward thinking when The One Who Gets Away With Murder asked where I was. The One told him we were walking and TOWGAWM hopped on his bike unnoticed, and set out looking for us. He set out on the same course we had taken the night before as a family...a mile and a half to the playground at the entrance of the neighborhood.

The girl and I returned and none of us knew the 5 year old was missing. Until the neighbor came running over saying that she saw TOWGAWM being held on the street corner by the cops! NICE!!

We jump in the car and drive the mile and a half to retrieve the boy. When we get there, TOWGAWM was scared to DEATH. Officer McDicknose was pissed and delivered a typical arrogant cop speech...

Cop: Would someone like to explain to me how a 5 year old gets this far from home on his bike alone?

I wanted to say: There is a simple explanation officer...my husband and I had just polished off a bottle of vodka and were watching some porn, so we sent the kid to the store for some smokes.

Trying my damndest to contain the sarcasm, I said: His dad told him I was on a walk and the kid slipped out unnoticed to find me.

Cop: State law requires children to be supervised...blah-dy, blah, blah, D-blah.... and by the way, the kid was riding in the street.

I turn to the kid and say: What were you doing riding in the street? You know better than that.

TOWGAWM: Mom...I was riding between the cars!!!

I wanted to say: See, Officer McDicknose...we ARE responsible parents. We have trained him to dodge the cars any time he he rides in the street, thankyouverymuch!!!

Just another fine example of my mad parenting skillz!!!

Any time you think that you are failing as a mother...that you are screwing up far worse than any other maternal being...stop by my blog. You will quickly realize that somewhere in Texas...a mother is fucking up far worse than you ever could.

No need for thanks, it's my pleasure...my children's horrible misfortune, but, my pleasure!!