Monday, April 26, 2010

Men...

If there is a god, and I get to stand before him on judgment day (you know, before he casts me into hell for all eternity), I've got a question for him.

Why did he give men the mega metabolisms, since it's us women who gestate the children. We stretch out, puff up, get beat up from the inside out, and literally sucked dry when nursing our young. Why didn't he give us cool metabolisms to go with that? Just to make it easier to shed the extra lbs?

Intelligent design, my ass!!

We've been eating healthier, and started P90X. I look exactly the same as I did about ten days ago, when we started. Jake, on the other hand, is already slimming down. Like, a lot. His spare tire is nearly flat, his face is significantly thinner, and he's tightened his belt, by a notch!

Nice work, honey! I'm super proud of you, but, it kinda sucks having a workout partner with the metabolism of a 16 year old!

I can't help but feel like I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. You know, because of all the people that have lived in my abdomen, and all the ravenous young that I have fed with my breasticles. My weight loss is always a bit disappointing, to me. I have these visions of a tone, firm-ish body, where my thighs don't rub together, my arm fat doesn't flap, and the only muffin top to be seen, is blueberry flavored, and delicious!!

I have come to the realization that I don't firm up.

No.

I sag. I droop. I deflate.

Yup...the only way I can firm up, is to go under the knife. A little nip and tuck! Maybe my first gig, when I become a nurse, should be for a plastic surgeon's office. You know...for an employee discount!

9 comments:

Darla McLane said...

The same thing happened when Jason and I went on the South Beach diet. Keep on keepin' on though girl, you'll see results...eventually. ;-) D Mc

Stacey said...

Doesn't that just piss you off! It is totally not fair!

Holly Renee said...

Ha! Mr. E can eat just about anything and sometimes he even looses weight. I like where you pointed out that little people have existed in your abdomen. I mean, that's gotta count for something, or a million things. I've been thinking of trying P90X maybe I will wait to see how it works for you :)

S.I.F. said...

"I can't help but feel like I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. You know, because of all the people that have lived in my abdomen."

That, right there, made me almost wet myself!

You know what else sucks about men? You could go running (or whatever your preferred workout is)every day for 6 months while they sat on the couch doing nothing, and then they could still outrun you. I never ever got that!

Heidi said...

Amen. Stephen just says he thinks he needs to lose a little and it's like the fat hears him and just packs it's bags and goes. Mine, however is in love with me and refuses to leave. I'm thinking of getting a restraining order on my fat.

This Daddy said...

Nikki, use that as a tool to keep working hard. I have almost given up on my working out, and I need to get back into it. I havn't had a drink in over a yr and thought that would help me lose weight...NO.

That is awesome that Jake is kicking ass. I have heard great things about the P90X. Keep working and shut up and quit crying.

from your old personal trainer,

Phillip Oliver Krevises

Andrea said...

I feel the same way...pisses me off to no end...especially when I try running but can feel the fat on my ass bouncing up and down....just makes me angry...so now I'm just fat and angry

Mama SeWELL said...

men just suck! p90x is supposed to kick ass but i have never tried it...i have the dvds but them biotches have never been out of the package. I was doing really good I had lost 20lbs and was 1 lb from being under 150 and I caved! My curse decided to make an appearance and I inhaled everything in sight. Plus I found a bpx off limited edition cap'n crunch all berries cereal and I killed it, the whole box added up to 6 damn pounds, and it didnt help my "front butt"from my son, as i call it haaa!
I have jumped back on the healthy eating bs and and trying to continue on the path. Stick with it girl, you gotta give yourself some credit for making it this far =-)

Rassles said...

Dude, I have been hearing about that P90 thing for like a week and I have no idea what it is.