Sunday, June 13, 2010


The other day, I noticed a baby bird sitting on our back porch. As I stood at the sliding glass door, the momma bird began squawking, and doing fly-bys to keep me away from her baby. I watched for a while, and I could almost imagine the conversation she was having with her child...

Mom: You can do it. Just flap your wings like this...

Baby: *in a whiny voice* But, I caaaaaan't...

Mom: Can't never just try!

Baby: *still whining* I caaaaaaan't. It's hard. I don't waaaaaaanna.

Mom: If you don't start flapping those wings...THIS INSTANT...I will...I will...well, you just wait until your father gets back.

I'd imagine that conversations between a mother and her disobedient child, in the animal kingdom, are not that different among species!

I noticed three other baby birds perched on our ceiling fan, high above these goings on...and a nervous daddy bird also close by. They didn't have a nest near our home. I would know if they had...for under a bird's nest, is a nice splattering of bird shit!

Lily and I watched for a long time, and wondered where their nest was, and how their flying lessons had landed them in our backyard. Poor Tucker was scared to take a shit himself, because his moving bowels were a perceived threat, by the bird parents, and they dive bombed him the entire time he was conducting business!

Soon, the boys came in for lunch, after playing with the boys down the street. I urged them over to the window, to watch our television-less version of live Animal Planet. We even joked around with our own narration, in our best Australian accents.

We learned a little about our porch-guests, when Jack ratted his brother out...

"Mom...there was a bird's nest at Tyler's house...and Avery got a broom...and he knocked the bird's nest bunch of birds flew out of it."

Avery piped up, and tattled, too, "Yeah...well, Jack threw a rock at it."

As they continued with the "nuh-uhs," and the "did toos," I put two and two together.

Our boys knocked down a bird's nest, three doors down. The birds flew away, three doors up...onto OUR back porch.

Thanks to my little asshole angel, this, now homeless, family of birds, had perched themselves atop our ceiling fan, which happens to be above our inflatable hot tub. Which meant that their shit was falling all over our porch, and the cover to our hot tub!

I realized that I could simply turn our ceiling fan on, to deter the birds from calling our porch their new home, but, I felt a little guilty. After all, it was my kid who destroyed their home...the least I can do, is put them up for a while.

Mi porch es su porch, my feathered friends!! At least, now it is, because karma is a bitch!!


This Daddy said...

Damn, you are killing all the summer fun. First we think about canceling the trip to your pad becuase you are putting metal vice grips in childrens mouths and now the hot tub is going to be filled with the other white stuff*

Thanks for good times.

Mama SeWELL said...

And I thought a dead snake was a tragedy..shits no fun! Happy Summer!

Kaolinmommy said...

I gotta know what happened to these birds! Update?

Kameron said...

Boys are such buttheads!! Why do they have the natural urge to be destructive?? Nate drives me nuts terrorizing the cat andwanthing to knock everything out of its place. Poor birdies!