Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Vanita and Dan...

We were at the hotel bar, in Mexico one night, and this adorable lesbian couple walked up, and sat down next to us. Jake was smitten. So was I.

How do I know they were gay? One of them had hair as short as Jake's, was wearing a baggy polo, and her breasts were bound, or she was wearing a very tight fitting sports bra. She could also, probably very easily, beat the shit out of Jake. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Soon after they bellied up next to us, an older couple walked up, and I saw the lady, who was in her late 60's, eyeing the lesbian couple. I immediately thought to myself, "Oh boy...there is no way this old broad is gonna be able to stand how gay these chicks are, and there is NO WAY IN HELL, she will ever sit down next to them."

I thought wrong.

Vanita, I would soon learn her name to be, pulled up a chair and sat down right next to the pair, who we cleverly called "Corey Haimy," because one of their names was Corey, the other, Amy.

Anyway, Vanita and her husband Dan, just start chatting them up. Us, too. Oddly enough, we found out we were all from the Dallas area. It's a smallish world, I tell ya!

Vanita was sharing stories about her favorite cocktails, her husband's new knee, her two new hips, her grandchildren, and what makes their marriage strong. We all laughed and joked, and took SoCo shots together.

I acquired such a respect for Vanita and Dan. I thought it was uber cool that they were hanging out with lesbians and young people, like it was nothing.

Something about me, that some people may know, is that I sometimes stick my foot in my mouth, and I sometimes say inappropriate shit, at inappropriate times.

This was one of them.

We were all enjoying the conversation, and I started rambling about a gross hotel story we had about pubes in our bed, that weren't ours, after which, there was a bit of an awkward silence. I realized that pubes was kind of a gross conversation point, with strangers, and old people, and I made matters worse by trying to avert the awkwardarity. I started stumbling, and rambling further about how we had no clue how the pubes had gotten there, and that we were certain they weren't ours. All the while I'm bumbling, I'm trying to figure out how to stop the freight train that my mouth can sometimes be. Suddenly, I hear, "The cleaning lady must've been giving some dude a blow job in our bed, while she was on the clock," come out of my mouth. Which means, I had basically just talked about pubes and blow jobs, in front of my grandmother!!

I felt like a douche...

It really wasn't that big of a deal to anyone...they gave a little polite chuckle, and the conversation rolled on, quite smoothly actually, considering the way I'd mucked it for a moment. But, nah...it turned out, that much like Corey Haimy's sexual orientation wasn't a big deal to Vanita and Dan, neither was my foul and inappropriate mouth. I appreciated them even more for that.

Vanita introduced me to the Dirty Monkey's that I drank for three days straight, and she and her new-kneed husband, closed down the hotel bar every single night we were there.

I wanna be just like them when Jake and I grow up...


Kimmy said...

OMG!!! That is too funny!

I got one also! I was drunk in Vegas, laughing and stumbling and decided to tell a girl out of a group of 5, to pull her dress down, cause it was literally inching up and I didn't need to see her business. Well......I saw it anyways....cause she MOONED ME!!!!!! LMAO!!!

Lolidots said...

Holy hell, that's hilarious! Totally something I would do. The top of my foot says "Insert repeatedly into mouth."

heidi said...

HA! Love that. Rob has actually forbidden me from talking to people after drinking. He knows I'm gonna say something stupid. I know I'm gonna say something stupid. It's like a train wreck you can see coming, I swear it.