Friday, July 2, 2010

A snorkeler…

I am not!!!

I’m claustrophobic.  Snorkeling masks, can be a bit, confining.

I have a fear of open water.  Lakes.  Oceans.  Notsomuch of my inflatable hot tub, though!  But, snorkeling usually takes place in open water.

I have a fear/INSANE dislike of my feet touching oogy shit on the bottom of lakes and oceans.  In that oogy shit, is where all the fish hide, that are cool to look at, while snorkeling!

It was a recipe for disaster, but, all the other snorkelers on the beach looked like they were having a great time.  I thought, that maybe, it would be fun to see exactly what was lurking under that beautiful water. 

So, we masked up…

Taking this picture, was the best part of my snorkeling adventure…BY FAR!!! 

We headed out into the ocean, and I had to leave the nice soft sandy bottom of the ocean, for the oogy shit, where the fish lurk. 

Naturally, with the oogy shit underneath me, I started treading water, because there was NO WAY IN HELL, I was going to put my feet down.  There might be a barracuda, or an anenome, or an urchin or something.  Or, it might just be oogy!! 

I was treading out there, trying to breathe out of my mouth, but failing, and my hot nasal exhales began to fog up my mask.  So, without putting my feet down, I tried to take my mask off, clear it, and put it back on. 

That wasn’t happening.  I was getting the salt water in my eyes, the mask was caught in my hair, and ripping it out.  I still couldn’t see out of the damned thing…all the while, I was still too afraid to put my feet down, so that I could situate my mask. 

Alas, I had no other choice, but to reach my feet down to the bottom, and my feet landed into a pile of oogy ocean shit.  It was at this moment, that I had, what I assume, was a mini panic attack.

I started hyperventilating.  Still needlessly trying to tread, in water that was only four and half feet deep.  My mask was half on, half off. It was still stuck in my hair.  My snorkel was all twisted and sticking straight up in the air.  I did the only thing I could think to do…I called out to my husband for help!

Bobbing in the ocean, in no real danger of anything, really, I yelled, “Baby?!?  Help!  I’m scared!!”

Frustrated that I was keeping him from enjoying the sea life beneath him, Jake dragged my paranoid ass back to the safety of the sandy bottom of the ocean. 

Other snorkelers were watching us, no doubt thinking that something serious was happening…when really…I was just being a big old spazz!!

Jake tried to talk me through it, but, that was the end of my snorkeling adventure.  Only ten minutes after I had began, I quit. 

I stumbled up onto the beach, tired, a bit embarrassed, my snorkel and mask hanging loosely in my hand, with a hunk of my hair hanging off of it…defeated. 

A snorkeler, I AM NOT!!!


This Daddy said...

But you lived to tell about it.

Adoptive Momma said...

I'm a big ol' wuss in the ocean. I hear the Jaws theme as soon as I get out to my knees. I used to the swim and enjoy the ocean then I went to the Sea World shark exhibit when I was about 10. My ass has not been in past my knees since. You know many sharks live in three feet of water or less, I'm just sayin'...

emilyc said...

If you ever get the chance to try again, do it. But this time, get on a boat and have them take you to a real snorkeling place. I am you when it comes to snorkeling. I figured when we went on our honeymoon there was no way in hell I would do it, but would sit on the boat and let my new husband have fun. I tried it in the water near the hotel and had the same kind of experience. But, when we got out on the boat I decided to give it a try. LOVED IT. When I had something other than the yuck beneath my feet to concentrate on (it was blue water and I don't even know if I could touch the ground) it was a totally different experience.

Stacey said...

I don't blame you! I would of freaked out too! I only like swimming in pools and thats it!

Kimmy said...'re funny!!
I went snorkling on my honeymoon in the Bahamas and had a blast. My only thing that surprised me was I never had a fear of sharks until after the fact and though "OMG, I wasn't even worried about sharks and there I was floating in the ocean!"

I understand the whole oogy crap on the feet. I'm the same way!

Anonymous said...

Had a similar experience in Mexico a few years back. In stead I sat in a tiny "glass bottom" boat with a Mexican dude that I could not really speak with, while suffering from sea sickness. I sucked it up because the hubs was so excited to snorkel.

I did however decide to give it a try on the beach. I was the only one snorkeling in 4 feet of water with my ass sticking in the air and my feel firmly planted in the sand. But hey I did see some pretty fish.