Thursday, July 29, 2010

Hi! I’m Nikki. Sometimes I say inappropriate things…

It’s what I do, apparently!

Last night, I was subbing for a friend’s Bunco group, and I was in the company of pretty much strangers.  I’d played Bunco with a few of them before, but, mostly strangers. 

The hostess’s husband was hanging around for just a bit, before hightailing it out of the bitch-fest (an utter bitch-fest, complete with two gay dudes). 

A few of us were chatting on the back porch, over a smoke, and I commented on the dude’s perfectly manicured lawn. 

He mentioned that it’s an obsession of his, and that we’ve all got ‘em and the lawn is his. 

That comment led to him posing the question, “So, what are y’all’s obsessions?” 

There was awkward silence.

I hate awkward silences, and usually try to fill it, and apparently, will even fill it with wildly inappropriate things, just for the sake of filling it.

I answered, “Porn,” and sipped my cocktail, and took a drag off of my fag.

Everyone laughed, which was the reaction I was going for, and expected, and when that settled, he pursued, “So, what kind of porn do you watch?  What are your favorite websites?”

*Wow…he got me.  I did not expect this!*

At this point, I’ve made myself uncomfortable.  I opened up a can with this guy, who doesn’t know me from Adam, and now I’m stuck.  Now, I realize why I apply social filters to my mouthy ass, when I’m around strangers.  This is why.  To prevent this kind of situation. 

Lesson learned!

I sidestepped, “Uh …ummm…porn’s porn, right?  I was….” 

Backed into a corner (by my own doing) and not really wanting to discuss porn with some strange dude, I did the only thing I knew to do.  I offered my hand, and said, “Hi!  We haven’t met.  I’m Nikki.  And sometimes I say inappropriate shit, just for the hell of it.” 


Anonymous said...

Your husband is the king of backing people into a corner, figured you would know how to deal with it by now.


Nikki B. said...

i know...i was taken aback...i was caught off guard...i was thrown for a loop, and out of my comfort zone (not on a good friend's couch), and i panicked! make matters worse, the dude started singing, "my milkshake brings all the boys to my yard..." and i really panicked and shut the shit down. i did NOT want to discuss porn with any man who knows the lyrics to that song!

This Daddy said...

So Nikki, you like porn huh? Never would have thought that about you.

Your friend,

Dixon B. Tweenerlegs

More Milestones said...

I love this! I have just accepted the fact that I'm also inappropriate. This is so something I would have said... only to regret it too. Foot in mouth right here.

Mona : )

Stacey said...

YOU were speechless??? lol I bet that doesn't happen too often.

My drink would of been coming through my nose if I had heard you say that! lol

Melinda said...

Also a member of the inappropriate verbal club...notice I didn't say oral.
When I was newly divorced I made an inappropriate comment about not getting laid in 15 years and that I was married 15 years. I got an offer for help and I said, 'I'm too much woman for you'
A 5 minute eye rape and he said, 'I'll take that bet'

At that point I wasn't even sure I still had a vagina so I declined.

Kate@SurroundedbyPenises said...

LMAO good save!

Nikki B. said...

scott - not many people would, scott, not many people would!!

mona - i think being able to say whatever i want on the interwebz, has made my foot in mouth syndrome worse!!

stacey - it was awful...utterly speechless!! i hope it never happens again!!

melinda - exactly...totally got called on our bluffs!! note to self: get better at poker!

kate - i've had a secret fantasy of telling people i'm in the porn business, just for a rise, when they ask me what i do for a living...just cause it's more exciting than, "nothing, i sleep til like 11, and eat a few times, and wait for my hsuband to get home...most days i don't even check the mail cuz i'm too lazy!!" but, this little lesson taught me, that i must have a backup plan, if my bluff is ever called again!!!

Kimmy said...

Hi, I'm Kimmy and I TOO say inappropriate things ALSO! LOL

Again...I can't wait to meet you!!

Jes said...

Lol!!!!! Wish I could have been there to witness that :) I'm a little jealous though that you can even think of witty, funny things to say on a whim... me, I don't think of what I should have said until 4 hours later and it's too late.

UnicycleRose said...

What an "open mouth, insert foot" moment! Ha!

Anonymous said...

Well, I think you should have told him that you had to check on the name of the website with your boys first because they are totally on top of the porn game :)

Anonymous said...

Haha! That's awesome. I do that shit all the time. At least you can own your inappropriateness. And, you know, we all love your inappropriate shit. ;-)

Tim said...

I would have thought that you would have just told him what kind you liked. LOL