This time, I'm not talking about the dog, who, by the way, is still missing. I'm in the anger phase now. Pissed at the little shit for getting out and running away. Was he not happy here? Did we not give him all that he needed? Food every time he even looked at his bowl, water, narcotics when he was hit by a truck! Walks, cuddles when he wanted them, he even slept in our beds!!! We shared our beds with that little fucker, and it still wasn't good enough!
While we were in South Texas for the blog party, we decided to spend Sunday at Schlitterbahn. I've lived here my whole life, and have always wanted to go. And it was a blast...totally worth the wait. Well, I don't know if it was worth 30 some odd years of a wait...but, it was worth some wait!
Usually, when we go to a crowded place, I give the kids a rundown of the rules, and what to do if we're separated. For some reason, I didn't do it this time...maybe I assumed they would remember my warnings from the past.
Halfway into the day, we were having a blast. The tube chutes were so much fun, and the kids were loving it, and were old enough and good enough swimmers, that I didn't worry about them getting knocked off of their tubes, like I would've if they were younger.
We were trying to find a particular chute, and we were trekking through the hot pavement of the park, and we changed directions pretty quickly. Jack wasn't paying attention, and we were completely unaware, that he kept walking, when we didn't.
A couple of minutes passed, and we noticed that Jack wasn't with us. It was a July weekend at probably the most popular waterpark in Texas. It was packed!!
We told Lily and Avery to sit down in one spot, and to stay there, while Jake and I circled the area looking for him. We told them to watch for their brother, catch him if they saw him, and hold onto him, that we'd be back.
He's like a frickin' wild animal, that child!!!
Jake and I were circling, to no avail. Minutes were passing, and with each one that did, I could feel my heart quicken. After about ten minutes, which seemed like ten hours, I started to lose my shit a little bit. I was nauseous, my heart was pounding, the thoughts that were going through my head were awful!
Fifteen minutes in, I was in full on panic mode. My shit was officially lost, and was asking strangers if they'd seen a little boy. My little boy among thousands of other people's little boys.
Just as I was at the breaking point, and I was about to morph into the mother that you see on the news, with makeup all over her face, not able to stand on her own, crumbling in her husband's arms, screaming and pleading for someone to, "FIIIIND MY BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY," I looked back to Ave and Lily, and there they sat with their brother.
The little shit was fine.
That surge of emotion, that, had my boy not been standing there, would've come out in a wave of desperate tears, instead, dumped on my boy, in a fit of anger.
Jake, who had made his way back to the checkpoint, too, said, "See, here is he is, Mom...he's fine. You okay?"
My eyes slanted, my teeth clenched, and my head all but spun around, as I said, "NO...NO...NO...I'M NOT FINE!!! JACK, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE. I THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN. NOW, I'M NOT HAVING FUN. IF ANY OF YOU KIDS, WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU MOM DOESN'T HAVE FUN...GET LOST. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO RUIN THE FUN!"
As I type it out now, I realize it was mean, and irrational. Which, was exactly how I was feeling. At that moment, there was nothing rational happening in my body. I was FUH-REAKING OUT!!!
I calmed down a bit, but didn't speak to anyone for the next hour. I decided after my irrational tirade, that it was best if I kept my big mouth shut, for a while!
Later, when my body's systems were purged of the adrenaline that had been coursing through it, I pulled Jack aside. I said, "Do you think I'm mad at you?"
He said, "Yes," with his head hung down, eyes averted from mine.
I explained, "I'm not buddy. I was scared. I was worried. Moms don't like it when we can't find our kids. It scares us really, really bad. I love you so much, and I was so worried that I wouldn't find you. It would break my heart if something happened to you. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I shouldn't have done that. We cool?"
He answered, "Yeah...but, if you feel so bad, maybe you should buy me an ice cream."
I said, "Sorry, dude...nice try," and I gave him a hug, and we went on about our day, resuming the fun that we were having before the incident.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Posted by Nikki B. at 8:45 AM