Friday, July 17, 2009

Does this make me crazy...



So, I was watching Dr.Phil, and he was talking about adult ADD. He was listing the signs, symptoms and characteristics...and the dude might as well have been talking about me.

It takes me no less than three tries to leave the house. I have to go back in for the phone, the keys, my backpack, a glass of seems like even if I have everything, I still have something to go back in after something.

I will stop mid-task because something else pops in my head...and I will rush off to go do tend to the new thought. I can't tell you how many times I start taking clothes out of the dryer, have a fleeting thought, rush off to address it, then, later when I am done...I walk by the laundry room to see the dryer door open. It's only THEN, that I realize I forgot to go back and finish the laundry.

Then, I feel all shitty, and brain damaged.

My short term memory sucks. As I'm walking out the door, Jake will say,

"Here, drop this movie off in the mail on your way out, okay. Babe...", he says, waiting for me to stop and look at him, "Don't needs to go out today, will you go straight there?"

Frustrated, I say, "ALRIGHT HONEY...I got it. Fuck, I'm not three years old."

I walk out the door, movie in hand...put it in the seat next to me, and drive right past the post office. When I return, Jake meets me at the door, takes the keys and heads to the car...

I say, "Where are you going?"

"To take the movie to the post office...I know you forgot it, didn't you?"

Defensively, "Well, was going-"

Defeated, Jake says, "I didn't expect you to return it...I knew I'd have to do it."
Then, I feel all shitty, and brain damaged...and then I OWE him...if ya know what I mean!!

Since I've started school, I've noticed how antsy I get. When I'm sitting in class, I tap my foot, or fidget in my chair. It is EXCRUTIATING to sit still for two and a half hours in a lecture. It's so bad, that I have to chew gum. The gum quiets the foot tapping and fidgetting a bit.

Then, when I survive that...I have to go to lab, where I tap my leg, or my pen...until my lab partner snaps and says...

"Dude...would you quit, my five year old does the same thing and it drives me nuts."

Then, I feel all shitty, and brain damaged...and then I OWE her. Which means something totally different in lab, like, I have to handle the E. coli.

I just find my mind constantly much so that like it almost vibrates. That sounds so weird typed out, but that's what it feels like. I can't even shut it off to go to sleep. It takes two Benadryl and about an hour before I can quiet my thoughts long enough to fall asleep. That's on a GOOD night!!

Sometimes I try to justify it, and tell myself that every mom feels this way. This is what happens when you have to do the thinking for a whole household. Maybe that's true. I don't know...It just frustrates me a little, well, a lot. I feel like I should --

Oh, look, a bird!!

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