Ode to Cletus, the Second...

Me: "Um, Cletus...I've averaged my grade several ways, several times...and every time, I get an A. Yet, there is a B for the class on my transcript."

Cletus: "Well, I didn't give out any A's. I only gave them to the ones who earned them. If you got an 89.9, that's a B. I worked for hours averaging those grades, and there was lots of adding and multiplying and dividing...I spent a lot of time on it. I'm sure they're right."

Oh dear God, Cletus...you had to divide!!! Well bless your heart...that must've hurt!

Me: "Cletus...I'm not asking you to GIVE me anything except the grade that I EARNED!! Would you mind recalculating my grades and double checking the average?"

Cletus: "Sure, I'll call you back tonight."

Four hours later...All of which, I'm assuming, it took her to average my nine test grades...

Cletus: "Well, I reaveraged your grade...what did you come up with, again?"

Me: "I come up with a 93, but just to be sure that we're on the same page, could you tell me what scores you have for me in the gradebook. Just to make sure we're working with the same set of numbers."

Cletus: "No...I can't. See, I live out in the country and I don't get good cell signal out here. Right now, I'm out in the yard, on toppa the hill, standing on the tool box, in the backa my truck. I don't have your grades out here with me."

Of course...I should've known.

Cletus: "This time, I came up with a 93...the same as you."

*GASP* NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! LOOK AT THE BRAIN ON CLETUS!!!

Me: *biting my tongue to the point of bloodshed* "Thanks Cletus, I appreciate you taking a second look at it."

These events inspired this...

Ode to Cletus, the Second
subtitled: Bitch, I will kill you...

There once was professor who was dumb
She had a hard time finding sum.
Averaging was harder, you see,
She wrongly gave me a B.
Give me my A or I'll shove my foot up your bum!

Six word Saturday...

"Look who's lovin' her editting software!!"

**BEFORE**



**AFTER**


Although these are not the same picture...they were taken is succession and the bottom one looked just like the top one!!

We talked about it...

After weighing some of your comments about my earlier post...about my boy and his prayer, I decided to casually bring up the subject at dinner last night. You know, see what kinda thoughts they have.

Me: "So, we got a message that the church called...yada, yada...and that you prayed a prayer of salvation..."

TOWKE: "Yeah..."

Me: "Well, that's cool...what does that mean, to you?"

TOWKE: *shrugs shoulders...chews with mouth open...*

*kids are soooo gross!*

Me: "You have to have some thoughts about it."

TOWKE: "I don't know. Everyone prayed, so I did it to..."

*a-ha! juuuuuuuust as I suspected*

Me: "But, what do you think the prayer means?"

TOWKE: "Well, um...uh...er, I think...uh...hmmmmmm--"

*obviously annoyed by her brother's bumbling...the girl curtly interrupts..*

TOWDSM: "We have NOOO idea!"

*we all laugh. the child doesn't say much...but, what she does say is real, true, and to the point! i don't know where she gets it!*

So, I take the opportunity to talk about how the world is a big place, and that we are all different, and that it's okay to be different. I explain that even their father and I have different beliefs about spirituality, and that that's okay. I explain that we all have to listen to our hearts and our heads, and believe what is right for each of us, and that it takes time to figure that out.

I try to explain that sometimes the world is not only big, but cruel...and that at some point, they may be teased, or threatened, or ridiculed because of what they believe. Or even because of what their parents believe (which happens to be my biggest fear in this whole struggle with religion I got going on).

Me: "I just want you guys to know that it's okay to say what you feel...and believe in whatever you want to believe in...it's okay to pray...it's okay to NOT pray...and, most importantly, you should be proud of yourself and your beliefs no matter what. Even if it's different from someone else...even if--"

*obviously annoyed by my ramblings, the little one interrupts...*

TOWGAWM: "Mom, broccoli makes you fart...can I have some more?"

Nip and Tuck...

So, is it considered copycatting if you design a blog for a friend, namely, a Heidi, then use some of the same design elements on your own blog??

It's totally, not, right? I didn't think so, but I didn't want Heidi to be all, "OMG have you SEEN Nikki's blog? I just had my blog redone and then saw her blog...and she totally trying to be just like me. I mean PUH-LEASE!!"

Anyway...head over to Heidi's blog and check our her new do. Then, enter in her giveaway. She's giving away gift cards to Target and Starbucks if you grab her new button.

Vloggity, Vlog, Vlog...Vol 3...

Head over to The Fort to play along with this Vlog Carnival that Bubbles has going on. It's pretty simple. You get in front of a video camera and talk about an emotion you had this week.

On this episode of Vlogemotions...
I pay homage to my beloved professor, Cletus.

Since this concludes my Tuesdays with Cletus, here are the links to posts of Cletus past...

Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6.

And so it begins...

I received this email...

On Easter weekend, at church, Avery was presented with the story of Christ, and he prayed a prayer for salvation. He talked with someone about this, and expressed his understanding of who Jesus is and what he did for us. He is listed at the church under my name, and they just called and told me this.

There is a class coming up that kids can attend with their parents. It’s called Kid Faith, and it gives an opportunity for the parents to know for sure that the kids understand their decision. Immediately following the class, the kids can be baptized.

It would be great if you and/or Nikki could come and attend with Avery. If not, I’d be happy to take him with us.

I was raised Methodist, so the whole "salvation" thing is a little different for me. But, it looks like my boy has prayed "the prayer." He's asked Jesus into his heart. If I thought he had the faintest idea as to what that means...I would be completely on board. But, I know the kid doesn't have a clue.

I've talked to him about his experience at church when he attends with family, and this is why the kid prayed "the prayer"...

1. His cousin did it, so why the hell, not! **note to self: teach the kid about peer pressure.**

2. They give you free shit at church. Bibles, toys, swords, hats...all kinds of shit. And we all know that kids love them some free shit!!

3. They compete to win prizes...my boy CANNOT resist any form of competition.

4. For the love of Christ...they have donuts at church, and donuts are delicious!!

So, I don't think he's quite ready to sign on the dotted line.

I know what you're gonna say..."He can learn morals and good things at church," "He will be surrounded by children being taught morals and good things," "It's such a good foundation," etc....

Hmmm, let me ponder my youth...

I remember the kids in my youth group. I specifically remember one trusted member of the group who paid me a visit in the summer of my 16th year. My parents were at work and he wanted to hang out...he was older, but was a good friend. We all trusted him. Upon arrival, he tried to sell me on giving him a little ole blow job. You know, for Jesus!

**Allright, I threw the whole "for Jesus" thing in there. He never once mentioned Jesus. You got my point, though, right?**

I informed my friend that I would most definitely NOT be fallating him and sent him on his fucking way.

I know that this was just one asshole out of plenty of good kids, but church youth groups are not immune to unethical behavior.

My point, and there is one, is that the MORALS, and GOOD THINGS, and the STRONG FOUNDATION that he might learn in church...he is MOST DEFINITELY learning at home, thankyouverymuch!

This email initiates the sheparding of my children to churches, by friends and family armed with good intentions. Where they will assuredly learn about faith, love, hope, and prayer, and, undoubtedly learn about fear, hypocrisy, superiority, and guilt...and possibly even a little about oral sex.

And so it begins, the uphill battle of trying to teach my children to think for themselves and make their own way in this world "with little regard for 'supposed to'," as Rassles so eloquently put it.

**I can only imagine how my mother will react to F-bombs, blow jobs, and Jesus...all in the same post!**

Motherlover

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes