Monday, December 14, 2009

Mary Jane...

A week ago, the school sent home a consent form for us to sign, allowing Avery to participate in an anonymous drug and alchol survey.

At first, I thought they were prying for information about us.

**Guilty conscience, much??**

I was all paranoid thinking that they were going to ask questions like, "Is there NEVER / SOMETIMES / or, YOUR MOM WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD WITHOUT a box of wine in your fridge, at home?"

Or..."Does your dad kick back A COUPLE / A SIX PACK / or, / THERE ARE SO MANY EMPTYS ON THE COUNTER ON SATURDAY MORNINGS, THAT THERE IS NO COUNTER SPACE TO MAKE YOUR OWN CEREAL WHILE DAD SLEEPS IT OFF?"

I thought it would be shit like that...I was nervous.

After reading the letter a few times, we realized that its' purpose was to gather statistics on what, if any, drugs kids are exposed to, and at what ages.

**WHEW!**

We consented.

Avery came home last night, and said, "Hey...Mom and Dad. We took that questionaire about drugs and alcohol today."

In unison, we said, "You did? What kind of questions did it ask," as we glanced at one another...bracing ourselves.

He asked, "Wait, first, I have a question."

"Sure. What?"

He struggled, "What is MAWR-I-JOO-ONNA?"

**So, we're here. We're standing on the brink of that age old hypothetical question..."When your kids ask you about drugs, are you gonna tell them if you tried them?" And, for the record, yeah...I inhaled. There. I said it. But, Jake did it, too!! Yesterday, we were reading about the 'great green room...and the telephone...and the red balloon,' and today, he's asking me about 'MAWR-I-JOO-ONNA!!' Wow!!**

I said, "It's a drug."

Jake said, "You smoke it."

I looked at Jake, and my eyes said, "Dude?!?"

Aloud, I said, "Well, some people smoke it."

Jake said, "To get high."

This time, my eyes yelled, "DUDE?!?"

Avery, taking advantage of the pause, said, "What does 'high' mean?"

My eyes, to Jake, "ABORT...ABORT...ABORT...he's gonna ask us if we've ever gotten high!!"

To Avery, I said, "High means stupid. Some people think it's fun to be stupid. But, stupid's stupid. Getting high is stupid."

Avery said, "Well, I just put that I'd never heard of it...because I hadn't."

Again, in unison, Jake and I said, "GOOD!"

**Because, by god, if kids are talking about MAWR-I-JOO-ONNA in elementary school...society's screwed!**

We weren't finished.

Next, he asked, "It also asked me if I've ever used anything at home to get high. What does that mean?"

Jake replied, "Some people will sniff glue, or paint, or aerosol cans, things like that, to get high."

I finished Jake's thought with, "So, just because it's something that is around the house, doesn't make it okay to get high with it. And 'high' isn't cool."

Avery reminded me, "Yeah, and high is stupid."

And with that, the inquisition was over.

**thank god!!**

So, I think the dry run went well, and maybe we'll be better prepared for our next little convo. For, now, it is quite clear that when our kids ask if we've ever gotten high...WE'RE GONNA LIE LIKE A MUTHA!!

8 comments:

Kimmy said...

LMAO!! Oh boy, I'm not looking forward to mine getting older, having to explain all the "stupid" things out there in this world. We're already kind of making her aware in a way of the things to be careful of just so that it's not like "BAM" in her face, if you know what I mean. But it's all on a "G" rated level.

Love these "conversations"!!!! LMAO

Stacey said...

Deny! Deny! Deny! lol

Allie said...

Stories like this make me feel so relieved that I don't have kids!

Dawn said...

That was too funny. I'm glad my days of that are long over. Unless Taylor suddenly decides to start talking and asks.

carol said...

When the Jr High police officer came to tell me that they had arrested a H.S. student for selling pot and one of the people he had sold it to was my son....I just stared at him. Then he said and I quote "the DARE officer knew your son was going to be trouble in 7th grade when he wanted to debate the legalization of marajuana." I continued to stare at him.

Ryan Kay said...

Sooo funny! :)

Ginny said...

So good!! And I think I may lie, now, too. You've inspired me.

Denise said...

Run and hide under a rock until you get your story straight! Hurry! The questions have only just begun! Believe me, it only gets worse. Like sex ed week and the kid comes home asking "what's 69?" and "Exactly WHAT day can I get pregnant?"