Thursday, November 19, 2009

Conversations in the car...

Jack and I were alone in the car. Christmas music was on the radio. I was dying a little inside...

Jack: Mom. I love Christmas songs. You 'member that one about the girl farting on Santa...then, Santa farts when he's leaving presents under the tree? That song is hilarious!

Me: Son, farts are funny, I don't care who ya are!

*We laugh. A sure fire way to bond with your boy, is to talk about farts together*

Jack: Hey, Mom. Is Santa real?

*Oh my dear sweet Jesus!! This is the moment I've been waiting for. Finally, I can put an end to these reindeer games!*

Me: Hmmmmm...I am really glad you asked that question. What do you think?

Jack: I think he's real.

*Fuck! I thought this was my moment...DAMMIT!*

Jack: No...wait.

*YES!! Hope!!*

Jack: He's not real. No way. He can't be real. A fat man can't fit down the chimney. It doesn't make sense.

*OMG...it's over. All the stress. All the sneaking. All the lies. It's over!!*

Me: You're a smart kid. So, if Santa isn't real, then, who do you think leaves those presents under the tree?

*Please say Mom and Dad...Please say Mom and Dad...PLEEEEEEASE SAY MOM AND DAD!!!*


Jack: Midgets. I don't believe in Santa...but, I do believe in midgets.

Me: What?! Midgets?! Seriously?!

Jack: Yeah, Mom, it's the only thing that makes sense.

*SHOOT ME NOW!!! Limited by the logical capabilities of THIS CHILD...he's never gonna figure it out, and I'm gonna have to pretend to be Santa FOREVER!!!*

16 comments:

Kristy said...

You better get to work on finding those midgets to deliver your presents this year...

That kid is funny.

Kimmy said...

I surely love the conversations you have with your family!!!!

At first I had some hope that my "elfy elferson" self had some effect on you and perhaps got you into the Christmas spirit....until I read that you were "dying a little inside"...LMAO!! I can hope, right?! :D

Stacey said...

That Jack is a little comedian! I remember having this conversation with my dad.

Kameron said...

Jack is the randomest kid ever! I love it!

Mama SeWELL said...

It would be great to hire a elf to sit in your living room until he wakes up Christmas morning.
On second thought that would be a little creepy...nix that. I remember when I figured out there was no Santa...when I woke up to my mom & dad passed out in the living room, with a half put together 10 speed and mostly unwrapped presents under the tree. And im pretty sure there was a beer can beside Santas untouched cookies, maybe thats why he passed me up?
Hes a lil comedian!

Heidi said...

or pretend to be a midget. LOVE how his mind works...

Dawn said...

That is one of the best parent/child conversations I've ever heard. Definitely laughing here.

Tina said...

Nicki:

You always make me laugh...

I LOVE the photograph website...

We will be calling you for our family picture...

~Hugs

Allie said...

I tell ya that jack he doesn't miss a thing! Haha, I love that story.

Alicia said...

MIDGETS!! That's freakin' hilarious!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Kaolinmommy said...

Hilarious!

My roommate in college was terrified of midgets. And especially magically altered ones like oompa loompas and the Lollipop guild... I'm pretty sure this present delivering scenario would scare the crap out of her.

Helene said...

OMG, that Jack totally cracks me up! I love when you write the things he says!

My kids could talk about farts all day long and still not get enough!

Bridget said...

Hilarious! Totally understand the mother/son bonding subjects-we've had some doozies at our house!

Melinda Arnold said...

lol I remember kissing the ground when the game ended...

Anonymous said...

He has been spending too much time at my house. Dammn midgets! - Ern

heidi said...

Midgets, eh? That there is some creative thinking. LOL