Face it...boys have a penis and girls have a vagina

In our house...I've taught my kids the actual names of their anatomy. Some use "PP", "privates", "weener"...all the cutesy little names kids call their nether-regions. My parents called my vagina a "ya-ha". WTF? What the hell is a "ya-ha". Well, it is not uncommon in our house to hear the following phrases:

"Mom, she kicked me in my penis!"
"Mom, he threw the ball at my vagina!"
"Mom, there's something in my penis!" (see the post titled, 'There's a splinter in your WHAT?!?')

Anyway, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with kids saying 'penis' and 'vagina'. The same way saying stomach and tummy are the same...so are "PP" and 'penis'. Let me back up...my kids don't just run around the house yelling "PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS"...well, I mean, sometimes they do...but, they definitely don't do it in public. And, for pete's sake...they're not dropping F-bombs!! These are appropriate words for their anatomy.

A little while ago my kids were in the Kids Klub while I was teaching yoga...I went to pick them up and Avery was in time out. The overworked, underpaid, wrung out looking pleasant child care worker explained to me that he had said the word "penis". I asked in what context and she said, "He came up to me and said that Jack hit him in his (she leans in to whisper the word) penis." I immediately turn to Avery and say, "Oh man, is your penis okay?" The lady didn't think it was very funny.

My point is, I think people are too sensitive to those words. Of course, there are times that using it is inappropriate...like if they run out of the bathroom right after a shower, jump in front of the tv, and with the carefree glee only a 4 year old possesses, they exclaim, "Look at my penis!" I agree, that is a little too much. And, in my defense, that is something that we're trying to stop Jack from doing. But in the appropriate context...I have no problems with my kids saying penis and vagina. In fact, I quite enjoy the look on people's faces when they hear my kids use those words.

Farewell, Dear Friend...

I'll never forget you. I'll never forget those lazy mornings when you were the only one who could lure me from my cozy lair. I'll never forget those afternoons around 2pm when the day starts to drag and you were the only one who could stoke the fire in me, motivating me to last just a few more hours until reinforcements arrive. I'll never forget how you even made my food taste better while we stared at one another at the table. You were there for me when I needed you, but I must move on.

So...farewell, dear friend...I'll miss you!

What's it to you?

Here's something I don't get..."never discuss religion or politics". Let me first say that I would probably agree with that statement if the person I'm discussing it with say, has a gun in his hands...or is my boss and has my salary in his hands. A situation like that. But just discussing the subject...what's the harm in that.

I feel like we should be strong and proud of our beliefs...strong enough to withstand criticism and judgements of others. I also feel like we should be understanding and willing to listen to the beliefs of others.

• What I think shouldn't affect the way you think in any way.
• My beliefs or disagreement with yours shouldn't hurt your feelings and vice versa.
• How do we expect change and growth to happen if we can't talk about things?
• If friends or acquaintences are willing to disassociate themselves with me because of my beliefs...then good riddance!

I mean, people have to be civil and avoid personal attacks. But, even if it does go there...that's a fault of the person making the attack...not of you.

I just think it's silly that we are guarded and careful about what we discuss...especially when it's regarding our own beliefs. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR OPINIONS ON THIS.

Mommy, that really chaps my hide....

My sweet, shy daughter and I just had our first fight. It wasn't over friends, or boys, or hair, or shoes...it was over Pace Picante Sauce!!!

Lily has loved to eat chip's and salsa since she was little bitty and it's her favorite snack. We were out of salsa and she had been asking me to get her more the next time I went to Wal-Mart. I was getting out to run errands and planned on going to Wal-Mart and said if I did, I would get her salsa. Well, I decided not to go and came home without the goods!!

OMG...the child's world crashed in around her!! She put on this face...a face that can make your skin crawl and she was pissed beyond recognition. She stormed off to her room, slams her door and throws herself on her bed. She didn't speak to me for probably an hour...she didn't speak to anyone, for that matter! I was kind of glad though...I can't imagine what kind of thoughts were going through her pretty little head! To be honest...I was a little afraid of her! The same kind of fear I had for those weird "Goth" girls in high school. The ones who wouldn't speak, you could never see their eyes because their hair was always in their face, but you wouldn't make eye contact with them even if you could see them. I knew behind all that black and hair they were secretly planning my torture and demise...that, or casting a horrible, horrible spell on me.

She calmed down and came out of her room...her face wasn't nearly as contorted, so I was no longer afraid. I explained to her, "There are more important things in life, than salsa" and "Salsa would come and go, but Mommy will be here forever" and "Tis better to have had salsa and eaten it all, than never having had salsa at all" and "Don't worry you'll see, there will be more salsa."

She seemed to understood and it was good preparation for her first broken heart!!

Mother ____-ing GREEDY ___-holes!!

YOU FILL IN THE BLANKS!!!

"AIG execs planned SECOND resort trip after bailout" - http://www.nydailynews.com/money/2008/10/08/2008-10-08_aig_execs_planned_second_resort_trip_aft.html

$443, 000 on a luxury retreat!!! Are you kidding me? FOUR HUNDRED AND FORTY GRAND!!!!

My family is living on peanut butter and Ramen Noodles while I'm in school and the economy crashes around us! And these ass-holes spend $23,000 on spa treatments!! WITH MY MONEY!!!

Oh man...I can feel my blood pressure rising...I better stop before I have a stroke!

I said that?

As a mother of boys...these are things that I say on a regular basis...that still surprise me everytime I say them.....

"The next person to pee on the curtains is going to be beaten!"

"Put the gun down and eat your broccoli!"

"Quit pointing that gun at me and do what I said!"

"No farting on people, that's gross!"

"Put some underwear on, I'm tired of seeing your penis!"

"You didn't 'accidentally' fart...I saw you raise your leg!"

"Get out of here, you're bleeding on my carpet!"

"He let you stab him, now let him stab you!"

"Just flush it, I don't want to see your poop!"

BOYS!!!

Vote now for the Shittiest Mom of the Year 2008!

This post is rated R...for strong sexual content.

Avery, my 9 year old, was playing outside yesterday with his buddy down the street...all was well. He then comes running in looking a little guilty, I didn't think much of it, and plops down on the couch and sits in front of a black tv screen...now I know he's guilty. The kid cannot lie to save his life!!! He has been cursed with an honesty gene...it does make it easy on me when my 3 start pointing fingers at each other when someone does something wrong. Avery cannot tell a lie.

Anyway, lo and behold, the doorbell rings...GASP! It's 4 little girls from down the street who range in age from about 10-13. They are soaking wet and muddy and have been playing in the rain and in mud puddles. They tell me..."Um, Ms. Bullock (damn I'm old), um, Avery and John (his name has been changed to protect him since he's a minor child), well, they were being mean, then John called us dumb asses and told us to..." here comes the R rated part..."he told us to suck each other's, well, these parts (she motions toward her flat chest where breasts will later be)". WTF!!! What do two little boys ages 7 and 9 know about girls sucking each other's boobs??!!??

Oh man...does the shit hit the fan!! I take a second to calm down so I don't rip all his hair out, out of anger. I confront him...he is still in front of the blank tv screen and his eyes are as big as golf balls. I give him a chance to tell me what he did wrong...but, he says, "I can't tell you, because it's a bad word and if I say it to you, I'll get in trouble." Now, this "playing dumb and innocent" actually works in his favor, because it reminds me that he is a very frightened little boy who is about to be tarred and feathered and he knows it!

I'll skip all the back and forth..."Tell me what you said!"..."No, I'm scared"..."You should be scared."..."Waaaaaaaaa"..etc, etc.... I send him to his room to wait for his punishment. I have found that this is one of the most effective punishments I can give my children. Sending them to their room to wait and wonder what in the hell I'm going to do to them. From what I can tell, it's torture.

I decide that first, and foremost, I should wash his mouth out with soap. I cut a 9 year old mouth-sized piece from the bar of soap and sit him on the tile, in case he pukes, to take his punishment. I tell him I want to see teeth marks in the soap. I sit him down, shove the soap in his mouth. I go to finish up dinner while he's washing up! I leave him there for about 15 minutes...he's gagging, and drooling and fidgeting, and moaning...I have him facing the wall and I ignore it all. Dinner is done and I go to remove the soap and tell Avery to go brush his teeth and get ready for dinner. His shirt is soaked from drool and he's sudsing at the mouth. He sits down to dinner, but won't eat because it's too hot. He pokes around at his food, then goes to bed.

I go to tell him goodnight and this picture is what I find. I don't know if it was just irritation, a chemical burn, an allergic reaction, or what...but, it looks awful and I almost...almost...felt sorry for him. Out of a mother's compassion...and guilt...I gave him a benadryl and some A&D ointment and kiss him goodnight.

Now...in my defense...we have these 3 teenage boys who live near us, who think it's funny and fun to teach the little kids these very adult words and phrases. Avery explained to me that that kid told them about the "sucking boobs" thing and "dumbass"...and John is a little bit mean and was saying this stuff to the girls and Avery kind of chimed in. I do believe Avery on this...he really can't lie...but, as a mom, I DO NOT want to believe that my child would come up with something like that...so I might be delusional. Regardless...Avery is grounded for a week.

So, men...ya'll are perverts and it starts at a VERY, VERY young age. I guess seeing the girls in a juvenile "wet t-shirt contest"...was too much for the boys and the fantasy of girl on girl action that is engrained in their DNA boiled to the surface WAY before I thought I would ever have to worry about that stuff. SERENITY NOW!