I said that?

As a mother of boys...these are things that I say on a regular basis...that still surprise me everytime I say them.....

"The next person to pee on the curtains is going to be beaten!"

"Put the gun down and eat your broccoli!"

"Quit pointing that gun at me and do what I said!"

"No farting on people, that's gross!"

"Put some underwear on, I'm tired of seeing your penis!"

"You didn't 'accidentally' fart...I saw you raise your leg!"

"Get out of here, you're bleeding on my carpet!"

"He let you stab him, now let him stab you!"

"Just flush it, I don't want to see your poop!"

BOYS!!!

Vote now for the Shittiest Mom of the Year 2008!

This post is rated R...for strong sexual content.

Avery, my 9 year old, was playing outside yesterday with his buddy down the street...all was well. He then comes running in looking a little guilty, I didn't think much of it, and plops down on the couch and sits in front of a black tv screen...now I know he's guilty. The kid cannot lie to save his life!!! He has been cursed with an honesty gene...it does make it easy on me when my 3 start pointing fingers at each other when someone does something wrong. Avery cannot tell a lie.

Anyway, lo and behold, the doorbell rings...GASP! It's 4 little girls from down the street who range in age from about 10-13. They are soaking wet and muddy and have been playing in the rain and in mud puddles. They tell me..."Um, Ms. Bullock (damn I'm old), um, Avery and John (his name has been changed to protect him since he's a minor child), well, they were being mean, then John called us dumb asses and told us to..." here comes the R rated part..."he told us to suck each other's, well, these parts (she motions toward her flat chest where breasts will later be)". WTF!!! What do two little boys ages 7 and 9 know about girls sucking each other's boobs??!!??

Oh man...does the shit hit the fan!! I take a second to calm down so I don't rip all his hair out, out of anger. I confront him...he is still in front of the blank tv screen and his eyes are as big as golf balls. I give him a chance to tell me what he did wrong...but, he says, "I can't tell you, because it's a bad word and if I say it to you, I'll get in trouble." Now, this "playing dumb and innocent" actually works in his favor, because it reminds me that he is a very frightened little boy who is about to be tarred and feathered and he knows it!

I'll skip all the back and forth..."Tell me what you said!"..."No, I'm scared"..."You should be scared."..."Waaaaaaaaa"..etc, etc.... I send him to his room to wait for his punishment. I have found that this is one of the most effective punishments I can give my children. Sending them to their room to wait and wonder what in the hell I'm going to do to them. From what I can tell, it's torture.

I decide that first, and foremost, I should wash his mouth out with soap. I cut a 9 year old mouth-sized piece from the bar of soap and sit him on the tile, in case he pukes, to take his punishment. I tell him I want to see teeth marks in the soap. I sit him down, shove the soap in his mouth. I go to finish up dinner while he's washing up! I leave him there for about 15 minutes...he's gagging, and drooling and fidgeting, and moaning...I have him facing the wall and I ignore it all. Dinner is done and I go to remove the soap and tell Avery to go brush his teeth and get ready for dinner. His shirt is soaked from drool and he's sudsing at the mouth. He sits down to dinner, but won't eat because it's too hot. He pokes around at his food, then goes to bed.

I go to tell him goodnight and this picture is what I find. I don't know if it was just irritation, a chemical burn, an allergic reaction, or what...but, it looks awful and I almost...almost...felt sorry for him. Out of a mother's compassion...and guilt...I gave him a benadryl and some A&D ointment and kiss him goodnight.

Now...in my defense...we have these 3 teenage boys who live near us, who think it's funny and fun to teach the little kids these very adult words and phrases. Avery explained to me that that kid told them about the "sucking boobs" thing and "dumbass"...and John is a little bit mean and was saying this stuff to the girls and Avery kind of chimed in. I do believe Avery on this...he really can't lie...but, as a mom, I DO NOT want to believe that my child would come up with something like that...so I might be delusional. Regardless...Avery is grounded for a week.

So, men...ya'll are perverts and it starts at a VERY, VERY young age. I guess seeing the girls in a juvenile "wet t-shirt contest"...was too much for the boys and the fantasy of girl on girl action that is engrained in their DNA boiled to the surface WAY before I thought I would ever have to worry about that stuff. SERENITY NOW!

Overprotective moms....

got into a discussion the other day about bullies and hazing and protecting our kids from harm. i was listening to these moms say that any time their kid has an argument or a run in at school...they rush up there, rip the principal a new one and demand that something be done to protect their kid!! ranting and raving about the physical and psychological damage that bullying causes. now, i don't deny that it can cause damage...but, i don't think it has to.

we, as parents, can only do so much to protect our kids. we can't be there 100% of the time to watch over them, nor should we be. there are things we can't control and that stuff happens. bad things happen....they just do. if parents had the power to prevent bad things from happening to kids....they wouldn't happen. there wouldn't be any accidents, molestations, abductions, etc.... there wouldn't be a parent out there who would "let" any of these things happen to their kid.

the best way for us to protect our children is to teach them to protect themselves.there are most def circumstances where adults should intervene, but for the most part...teach your kid to stick up for himself.

how about teaching your kid at home about bullies and the sort...why they do what they do...that they should never let someone else influence how they feel about themselves...teach them to be more aware and not set themselves up in a situation where they could be bullied...teach them to use intelligence and wit to outsmart bullies...teach them to rally their friends and plan something to get the punks (not to hurt anyone) if they are being bullied. if taught these things at home to fight their own battles in the world, then these kinds of situations would build character instead of destroy it.

i know kids can get hurt when this stuff gets out of hand...that's the flip side...but, you can't control other people. no matter how hard we try, we can't stop people from being mean, or evil, or stupid....we have to teach our kids how to handle these situations.

losing my son didn't make me more protective...it showed me that no matter what...shit happens. all the "want to's" or "should have's" or "could have's" in the world wouldn't have saved my son...so, i've learned to lighten up and enjoy life a little...and let my kids enjoy theirs as well!!

Part of your nutritious breakfast...

So, we're out of groceries...and I mean we were out. Nothing of substance anywhere in the house. Busy weekend, we were hardly home, so I didn't make it to the store until this afternoon.

I had to feed my kids something so they wouldn't be miserable at school and this was the best I could come up with. In case you can't tell from the picture...that is an iced oatmeal cookie in his right hand and a shot of whipped cream in his mouth. The whipped cream was Dad's idea!!!

It could be worse, right? Oatmeal is a breakfast food and the whipped cream is dairy...I'm not SUCH a bad mom!!

A little scared of the dark...

This pic is hilarious! The kid is so afraid of the dark it's ridiculous! We go through the same thing every night...making sure that just enough lights are left on and the door is left cracked open just enough. It takes several attempts and usually about 30-45 minutes to achieve the perfect combination! Most nights, before I go to bed...I go in to check on him and he has shut his door and is sound asleep with the lights on. This particular night...I found him surrounded with weapons and "dudes" to protect him.

I don't worry so much...Lily was the same way. Then, one day...out of the blue, she said..."I'm not afraid of the dark anymore." And, that was it...she wasn't. She now turns out her light, shuts her door and complains if any light from Jack's many night lights seep under her door.

Until then, we'll keep him locked and loaded and ready to go...just in case there are things that go bump in the night!

Have you ever listened to yourself?

Ya know....you hear the words from your mouth after they were spoken and been a little shocked or surprised by what you said. This is what I heard myself say today, well, yell today....

"GET OUT OF MY FACE WITH THAT FACE...I'M TIRED OF SEEING KIDS WITH THAT FACE!!!"

Kinda weird, huh? Oh yeah...I've said some things that are much more foul and offensive, but these words just struck me as funny! This was in reference to 2 very pouty children approaching me consecutively within minutes of one another...hoping that their pouty lips and sad eyes might influence me into changing my mind about....whatever it was I had previously said "no" to.

Poor kids...I remember trying out those faces with my mom...what am I talking about...I still use those faces with Jake!!!

This time of year....

funny how just the change in weather can make u miss someone so terribly.

my son was born in december, was transplanted in late august and died in november. this time of year always stirs up so many emotions for me.

it's been 10 years since his death...every year i expect it to get easier and easier...but i wouldn't call it easier...just different. time heals all wounds....i don't think so. time stops the bleeding and forms a scab...but something as simple as cool breeze marking the change of a season can reopen the wound...bringing the realization that you are not healed and may never be.