Pressing…

It’s just after noon on this Eve of the New Year, and our house is a buzz with the beginnings of cabin fever setting in for the children, as their excitement over the break from school is waning. 

These are some of the questions that I have been asked this morning and/or asked myself. 

The daily dealings in our household…

1)  Why does the dog continue to shit in the house?  *Really, Jobin?  Really?  What is the effing problem, dude?*

2)  Will he ever learn?  *Jack was easier to potty train than this furball!*

3)  How did I allow us to run out of toilet paper?  *Napkins, good toilet paper, do not make!*

4)  How do we tell if the hamster is a boy or a girl? 

5)  Now that we’ve Googled the procedure, who is going to be the one to check?  *Measure the distance between his butt-hole and his sex-hole?  WTF?  Definitely Jake…*

6)  Have we caused a sexual identity crisis in our rodent, by calling him a girl for a year, if he is indeed a boy?  *Yeah…probably not.* 

7)  Are we ready for the pubescence that is about to hit our household with our eldest child?  Will he survive it?  Will we survive it?  How will we survive it three times over?  Are there enough pharmaceuticals to be prescribed to deal with this upcoming trying time?   *Yeah..probably not.* 

8)  What’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner?  *Are cereal, goldfish, and popcorn suitable meals, because I’d rather be sleeping!*

9)  Can I eat the trifle that I made yesterday, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?  *Yes, I made a trifle.  I’m all kinds of fancy and sophisticated!*

10)  Did God die?  *Jack is quite the theologian, and loves to question his father and I on religion.  I always feel like it’s a test when he asks me…and I always feel like I fail.  Is Jack Jesus?*

Seriously?  I’m exhausted already!!