I struggle with whether or not I should blog about my mom. As I said in an earlier post, we’ve been estranged for around 10 months.
Is that enough said?
Do I owe it to her to keep my mouth shut, publicly, about what being her daughter has been like?
Do I owe it to myself to purge what being her daughter has been like? Purge this shit out of my head, out of my heart, and hopefully rid this heavy weight I carry on my shoulders in regard to my mother.
I have so many mixed feelings.
She did the best she could, or knew how to do…as all of us mothers do…however, her faults, many times, were at my expense. Not on me physically, no. My mother did not give me physical scars. She gave me emotional ones. Psychological ones. One is not worse than the other, but, these psychological/emotional scars have formed smoothed, raised callouses in my psyche, that have sometimes impeded the way of me becoming…well, me.
Or did they cause me to become me?
That’s what Jake says. He says I should be grateful that she made me who I am. I do love me some me, but…surely there was a kinder way to nurture me, for me to still be me. No? I don’t know.
I just know that I have a lot to talk about in regard to my mother, and I can’t talk to her about it. She won’t listen to me. She says this is all my fault that I’m too sensitive.
Um…do you guys know me? Is sensitive a word you’d use to describe me?
What is your opinion on the matter?
To blog, respectfully, about my mother…or not to blog…that is the question!