Our last camping trip....maybe forever!!

Came across the pix from this wonderful family adventure...reminded me of all the fun we had...all of the pix capturing the cries of pain from my children who may never camp again!

We had taken the kids to Mineral Wells to camp on what turned out to be the HOTTEST weekend of the summer!!! This is how it went down....

Hour 3: It didn't take long for Jack to get himself into a pickle. We hear horrible shrieks from the hill behind our campsite...Jack fell into a cactus, tried to get the spines out on his own and now had them in both arms, his leg and his stomach. It took about 30 minutes for Jake and I to pull each of them out with the tweezers.

Hour 8: Familiar shrieks from behind the campsite...a little softer and a little higher pitched. Lily fell into a cactus. I thought I remembered hearing something about using duct tape to help remove the needles of a cactus. We tried it and Lily went nuts...hysterical crying. Got out the trusty tweezers and after another 30 minutes...she was spine-free! I later remembered that the duct tape is good for removing fiberglass and definitely NOT good for removing cactus spines. Ooops...my bad! Sorry Lily!

Hour10: We try to light the lantern...it's not working right and the batteries are dead in the flashlight. It's dark and we can't see a thing! After making S'mores in the dark, we decide that since we can't see and we're all worn out, we should turn in. Our air mattress is flat! To add insult to injury...the fan had fallen in the dirt during the day and it is now louder than a Harley Davidson. The kids hardly notice, but Jake and I decide to sleep in the back of the suburban.

The next morning we canoe, sweat, swim, eat, sweat, fish and sweat some more!

Hour 30: While listening to fish tales from their fishing trip, I notice something on Avery's arm. It's a tick! Ewwww! I remembered hearing something about burning the tick so it will retreat and the head won't get stuck inside you when you pull it out. We fire up one of the marshmallow roasters on the grill to try to burn the tick. Avery is freaking out. People use the term "freaking out" pretty loosely. People are always talking about people "freaking out". Well, I now have seen someone actually "freaking out" and it's a little sad and uncomfortable to watch! Avery can't sit still long enough for us to burn the tick, so we resort back to the tweezers. We pull the thing out and hope that the head comes with the body.

At this point in the weekend....we're hot, we're tired, Lily and Jack are still finding cactus spines all over, Avery might have Lyme disease and we just may all have to be re-hydrated intravenously. For the first time ever, we cut our trip a little short and in record time disassemble our camp, throw everything in the suburban and head HOME!

Moral of the story: Don't waste your money on an abundant amount of expensive camping equipment. Flashlights, lanterns, fans, air mattresses, tents...who needs them! You can buy the most important camping tool at any drug store for about a dollar. DON'T FORGET THE TWEEZERS!

We tried it again and I think this may have been our worst attempt yet. Which means it can only get better next time, right? I'll probably regret having said that!

There's a splinter in your WHAT?!?

So, here's one you probably haven't heard......

The kids were showering the other day...it kind of resembled a drive thru car wash. We were rotating them in, sudsing them up, rinsing them off, buffing them dry, then on to the next. I was drying Jack and he was complaining about his penis His complaints reminded me of Avery at about Jack's age when Avery put soap...well...he put soap inside his penis. You guys probably know about this and can remember back when you were about 5 and made this once in a lifetime mistake. But, for the ladies who haven't been around little boys....it's kind of a rite of passage on being a boy. I guess...thinking they must be clean from the inside out...or, out of untamed curiousity, little boys will, at some point in their lives, put soap in their penis.

ANYWAY! Back to Jack...he was really whining and complaining, and I kept thinking the thing should have stopped burning by now..so, I decided to investigate. He's laying down screaming in pain, buck naked on the bathroom floor...Avery is in the background yelling "I told you not to put soap in it," and Lily...well, she and I are just both wondering how we're going to survive another 12-15 years with these boys. After a close inspection I find a little something on his penis. I'm looking at his thing, with this thing inside it....come to find out...the kid has a splinter on his penis. At this point you may be asking yourself the same question I was asking myself....HOW IN THE HELL, do you get a SPLINTER in your PENIS!!!

So, I said, "Jack, how in the HECK do you get a splinter IN YOUR PENIS?!?" His answer..."My sword!" I've told you that the kid has issues with underwear and pretty much clothing in general. He is ALWAYS commando...at school, the teachers always ask what happened to his underwear. Anyway....going commando is no issue if your weapon is a steel pistol. But, when your weapon is a wooden sword and that weapon is shoved into your pants while on your way to battle...you just MIGHT get a splinter in your penis.

I held Jack down while Jake removed the splinter and we just may have traumatized the child for life!!!