Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Things I know now...

Alternately titled:  The shit I wish I'd known then!  Motherhood should come with a manual!

I learned a new mom trick the other day, and I thought I should share it.  I feel it's my duty to share it.  If you already know this mom trick...THEN WHY THE FRICK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?

How I came about discovering this one for my mom arsenal:

We decided last minute (as we do so often) to leave Florida on Friday night rather than Saturday morning.  My husband is a beast.  When he gets it into his head to make that trek, he just does it.  He drives his sleeping family across five states and the treacherous back woods of Louisiana...all because he'd rather wake up at home, than go to bed for a few hours at our destination with a daunting drive in front of him.

We threw our weeks worth of things together, stuffed them in the car, purchased a couple five hour energy shots, and headed down the coast of FL for Tejas.

Immediately, The One Who Knows Everything started asking, "Mom, where's my Ipod?"

*Guess he doesn't know EVERYTHING, now does he?!?*

I told him that in our haste to leave, I'd put it in a bag.  Unfortunately (for him...not me) I didn't recall which bag, told him to go to sleep that we'd find it when we got home.

Fast forward twelve grueling hours, (well, from Jake's perspective, anyway...the kids and I slept the whole way, so it wasn't really all that grueling for us), and my love safely delivered us home.  We grabbed our pillows out of the car and all stumbled inside for a few hours more of better sleep.

I treasure my sleep.  I spent many years with those rugrats in the middle of the night, and now that they are more or less independent at home, I tell them that something must be bleeding, burning, or broken if they dare wake me up!

With that threat, Jake and I retreated to our room.

*Yes, I said threat.  Another mom trick.  Threaten your children with anything you can think of.  Follow through on just enough of the threats (preferably the harmless ones that do not involve threats on their lives) so that they fear them all.*

I woke up from my morning nap just a couple of hours later to find our huge rolling suitcase that we'd taken to the beach next to our bed.  I was puzzled.  I hadn't remembered unloading it.  To the car, it was buried beneath three sets of golf clubs, five beach chairs, three umbrellas, ten hats, five other duffles, and a bag of Frosted Flakes.  I def don't remember unloading all that!

*Yes, I said "bag" of Frosted Flakes.  This is yet another mom trick.  Buy cereal by the giant, off-brand, bagful, and teach them how to make their own bowls ASAP.  Preferably before the age 6.  Maybe earlier if they have younger siblings they can feed for you!*

As I walked into the living room, I noticed the ice chest from the truck was in the kitchen.  I didn't unload that either, and my dear husband was in a well deserved coma!

Intrigued and confused I went around to the kids' bedrooms and to my surprise, found each of their bags in their respective rooms!


Using my innate mom detective skills, I bypassed the girl, who, while obedient, taking initiative is not the little dear's modus operandi.  I skipped over the little one, as I didn't think he could physically manage the deed, and went straight to the big one.

"Avery!  Did you unload the car?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied.

In disbelief, I went to the car and saw that everything, save five beach chairs, had been unloaded.  Even the three sets of golf clubs were safely tucked away in the locked garage.


I came back inside and praised the boy.  I went overboard praising the boy, for, he'd saved his father and I from the task.  The kicker?  No one had asked him to do it!  He did it on his own.

*WTFF?!?!?  (that's 'what the fucking fuck' in case you haven't seen that one!*

As I glanced back over my shoulder to take another gander at my most favorite child of the day, I noticed that he was playing a game on his Ipod.

In an instant, it came together.  The little punk had unloaded the car because he wanted to find his Ipod.  In another instant, I realized the genius of my inadvertent hiding of his Ipod.

That Ipod was buried in one of many bags in the back of the truck.  Deep beneath the layers of our 9 day vacation, and that boy had to dig through it all to find it.  He didn't want to unload the car, he had to in order to find his favorite thing.

*Meh...whatever works!*

The mom trick:  If you want your kid to do a chore, take his favorite thing, and hide it within the chore that needs to be done.  If his room needs to be cleaned, hide his cell phone behind that pile of shit in the corner that's been there for two weeks.  If the laundry needs to be folded, tuck his Ipod into a pocket of one of the bottom-most pair of pants in the dryer.  If the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, hide the Playstation controller beneath a bowl on the top rack.

Just so you know, your kid may try to outsmart you, simply search for their phone/Ipod/controller, and skip the chore.  Easy fix.  Make them do the chore, then, hide it again and again, until all the chores are done and your child knows you mean business!  

You're welcome!  ;)


Kimmy said...

LOL!!! That's awesome!! High five from me to your "favorite kid of the day"! I love it when they don't have to be told!

Trudy said...

My kid would of left everything but the i-pod in the driveway. I'd be proud of him. lol

Melissa said...

pure genius. seriously, you deserve an award for this one.

Bridget said...

Heehee!! I love it when you share your motherhood pearls of wisdom ;)