Six Word Saturday…

“Most important meal of the day!” 

I rant, on Swear Word Wednesday!

It’s Swear Word Wednesday!!  I should totally start a meme, or something. 

My favorite day of the week!

But,  I’m dieting, so I’m muh-fuckin’ hungry!!

I’ve given up Dr.Pepper.

I’ve given up my happy pills.

I’ve given up the tele.

Now, I’m giving up delicious food???  WTF??!!??

And instead, for breakfast, I had some shitty shake that tasted like snot!!  It was the damn worst thing I’ve ever put in my damn mouth!

Really?  Without all those things…what is there to live for? 

Seriously? 

The joy and happiness that my kids bring into my life? 

They’re damn assholes most of the time, if I’m being honest! 

Jake? 

*this is where I whine.*

He just got the P90X , and he’s gonna make me do it with him!! 

Not IT, it…P90X, it.  Although, at this juncture, I would happily do IT for a Dr. Pepper and a burrito! 

Which makes me, pretty much…a whore.  A burrito-ho!

I can live with that…

Anyway…swear at me!  Even if all you can muster is calling me a “cotton-headed-ninny-muggins.”  I can take it! 

It’s Swear Word Wednesday!

It’s what we do!

Swagger Wagon…

Hilarious commercial, a friend of mine linked, on my Facebook page.  

Jamal : Toyota encapsulates the Bullocks in 30 seconds:

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Nikki : ROFL!! quit hatin' on our swagger!

21 minutes ago ·

Purge…

I’m in the mood to purge. 

My house and all it’s shit is suffocating me.  It’s driving me nuts.  I feel like I can’t move in here, I feel stagnant with all this shit around me. 

I don’t consider myself a pack rat.  Not at all.  Jake most certainly isn’t.  Maybe compared to him, I am. 

Now, my mother, on the other hand, most definitely IS a pack rat.  A lot of the shit that is suffocating me in my house, is the shit that she didn’t want in her house, but, didn’t have the balls to throw out herself. 

My house is a halfway house for my mom’s shit. 

Every time she visits, she brings a box of stuff.  She says, “I brought this…thought you might be able to use it.” 

Maybe it’s a surge protector from 1987, that is probably an actual danger to whatever you plug into it.  Maybe it’s a little knick knack, like these…

Jack ate the petals off of this silk plant years ago, that sits in a little tin with Asians on it.  This Asian people tin, sits atop a broken alligator skinned, treasure box, that my kids used to hide matchbox cars, crayons, and candy wrappers in. 

Actually, they are dust collecting apparatuses, that never get dusted!

Then, I have shit like this that suffocates me….

A cross and a Christian book, from my days when I thought I had to be a Christian.  From the days when there were appearances to be kept up.  Gone are those days…I yam what I yam, these days!

Shit like this…

A candle-less candle holder.  I got this candle holder as a gift…about six years ago.  It’s never held a candle, but, has always had a place on my dresser.  I’ve denied this holder it’s purpose in life, for six long years…and I will deny it, no longer.  That’s cruel. 

I’m purging.  Getting rid of this stuff so I can breathe. 

I’ll probably keep the kids, and Jake. 

Well…maybe!

What’s in YOUR eggs…

Just what does the Easter Bunny bring a grown-up who has everything? 

What DOES he fill those tiny, plastic eggs with?

You can’t go wrong with quaaludes…

At least…that’s what I always say!

Welcome to the gun show…

My boy kicked major ass tonight, in his first game on the mound!!  Major, major ass.  Every out we made, was a strike out!  Every single one! 

I’m so proud of him. 

More importantly, he’s really proud of himself.  So proud of himself, in fact, that he didn’t even care that his team lost.  He was just completely happy with his performance. 

And for this kid…that is a big deal.  He does not lose gracefully.  Not one bit!  I have seen him throw some gnarly fits at the end of lost ball games. 

Not tonight.  Tonight, he played like a man! 

Raddest song there evah was…

Emily posted this song, and I haven’t stopped laughing all day!!

Oh man…

Just a few things…

“He taught me how to turn my cheek…when people laugh at me.”

Ummm…it’s a damn good thing, because I bet this guy gets laughed at a lot!  I’ve been laughing at him all day!

“He taught me how to praise my God…and still play rock and roll.”

Is this rock and roll?

“But Jesus came and found me…and he touched me down inside.  He is like a mountie…he always gets his man.”

Dude…is this guy implying that Jesus is gay?

“And he’ll zap you any way he can….ZAAAAP”

Like…with a death ray?  I’m scared!

Man…Jesus has got to be more careful with how he picks his friends!!

Emily…I cannot thank you enough!!!  This is a riot!!