The Story of Lily...

This is the tale of how The One Who Doesn't Say Much, came to be...

A few months after Avery's first birthday...I got the itch. My little boy was healthy and happy and getting more independent every day. I knew I wanted our kids close in age...so, I thought it would be a good time to start thinking about another one.

Jake didn't have any objections...he knew the drill and was completely on board. Lily...you are the only one I didn't have to "talk your father into!" So we decide to start "trying". Jake was thinking, "Sweet...months and months of sex...lots and lots of sex...sex, day in and day out...sex morning, noon, and night...more sex than any human can stand!"

Yeah...not so much. How about sex for two weeks, Lily was conceived...and I immediately started having morning sickness. So much so that I wouldn't let Jake near me for the next nine months. Part of the reason I wouldn't let him near me was the morning sickness...then it was the horrible gall bladder attacks I was having while pregnant...then it was the fact that I had a HUGE nine pound baby flipping and flopping between my lungs, my bowels and my bladder...oh yeah, and my extremely painful and inflamed gall bladder!!!

Lily's birth is one of my favorite memories. As long as I've known Jake...I've only seen him brought to tears twice. The first time being when Joey died, of course. The only other time I've seen him cry was when he was holding his baby girl for the first time. It was one of the many, many times I've fallen madly in love with him over the years!

We had our girl. Our precious, quiet, shy, loving, witty, strong, funny, smart, moody, tom-boyish, and oh, so beautiful little Lily Kate. My breath of fresh air in this wild, crazy, and extremely LOUD life with boys. Lily, you were conceived out of love, desire, confidence, contentment, and happiness...a house full of happiness!

Uncivilized...

No, my family is not being raised by apes. Lily requested a spaghetti dinner sans silverware for her birthday dinner and against my better judgement...I obliged. I dreaded it and couldn't fathom the mess that would be made, but to my surprise and really to my disappointment...they were no messier without silverware than if they had used forks for their meal. Hmmmm...interesting!

Mommy, that really chaps my hide....

My sweet, shy daughter and I just had our first fight. It wasn't over friends, or boys, or hair, or shoes...it was over Pace Picante Sauce!!!

Lily has loved to eat chip's and salsa since she was little bitty and it's her favorite snack. We were out of salsa and she had been asking me to get her more the next time I went to Wal-Mart. I was getting out to run errands and planned on going to Wal-Mart and said if I did, I would get her salsa. Well, I decided not to go and came home without the goods!!

OMG...the child's world crashed in around her!! She put on this face...a face that can make your skin crawl and she was pissed beyond recognition. She stormed off to her room, slams her door and throws herself on her bed. She didn't speak to me for probably an hour...she didn't speak to anyone, for that matter! I was kind of glad though...I can't imagine what kind of thoughts were going through her pretty little head! To be honest...I was a little afraid of her! The same kind of fear I had for those weird "Goth" girls in high school. The ones who wouldn't speak, you could never see their eyes because their hair was always in their face, but you wouldn't make eye contact with them even if you could see them. I knew behind all that black and hair they were secretly planning my torture and demise...that, or casting a horrible, horrible spell on me.

She calmed down and came out of her room...her face wasn't nearly as contorted, so I was no longer afraid. I explained to her, "There are more important things in life, than salsa" and "Salsa would come and go, but Mommy will be here forever" and "Tis better to have had salsa and eaten it all, than never having had salsa at all" and "Don't worry you'll see, there will be more salsa."

She seemed to understood and it was good preparation for her first broken heart!!

Ewwwwww

OMG...most people probably wouldn't share this, but if you were a young girl...or have a young girl...or had a girl who was young once...you've probably experienced this -- relax boys...i'm not talking about Aunt Flo!!

Anyway...I was combing my little girls hair Friday morning before she left for the weekend with friend...and lo and behold...LICE!! OH MY!!!!!

We had to cancel on her friend, run to Wal-Mart...I bought every shampoo known to man...tons of detergent with bleach...the whole works. Now I will spend the next 48 hours washing, rinsing and repeating on my daughter. Washing every linen, towel and article of clothing in my kids rooms...going through my daughters hair literally strand by strand to make sure every single last nit is gone!!!! And...that's only if she's the only one who has it....God save me if any of the rest of us have it.

I'm thinking I should just burn the place to the ground, claim the insurance and move on!!! The insurance company might suspect arson when the dog makes it out alive, so here's my story...stay with me....

"I don't know what happened Mr. Officer....While I was finishing off my 2nd bottle of wine...whilst trying to drink my troubles away...which, by the way, i most likely resort to because my parents were mean to me. Anyway...in my stupor i go to light up a fag and still have some of the bleach from all the laundry on my shirt...my shirt just BURSTS into flames. My husband...with sex the furthest thing from his mind and no other motive other than trying to save me, of course....rips my shirt off and flings it into my mountainous pile of laundry...you know all the laundry from the lice. And then, to my surprise, THAT just bursts into flames and the whole house went up with it. "

We round up the children, run as far as we can from the house...and then claim that on insurance.

Do you think that'll fly??? Kids...if I didn't love my daughter so much...I would simply shave her head and change her name to Tom.