How much for that arm over there?

"So, listen up, babe. This is our new life/medical insurance information. I just renewed it."

I was only halfway listening. I really should pay more attention to this kinda stuff, but, like the finances, this is one of those things that Jake handles. Alone.

Without turning from the monitor, I say, "Sounds good, honey, whatever you think."

Jake, not realizing that I wasn't paying too much attention, continues, "...and the Accidental Death and Dismemberment coverage is whatever-hundred thousand."

*That word is weird. Dismemberment. Dismemberment is what serial killers do to bodies they are trying to hide.*

Distracted by the word, I say, "Dismemberment. Is that, like, if you lose an arm, or something?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

I'm still turning this word over and over in my head, I finally turn from the computer and say, "So, if you lose an arm, I get whatever-hundred thousand dollars?"

Jake looks up from his computer and my eye catches his. He sees where I'm going with this, and before the question is even asked, he says, "Uh...NO!"

"Whatever-hundred thousand dollars...FOR YOUR ARM? You think they're worth more than that? Because, I would consider sacrificing an arm for a nice chunk of cash."

Emphatically, Jake says, "NO FUCKING WAY! Not even for a million dollars. NO WAY!!"

Raising the 'emphatic' bar, I say, "ONE MILLION?!?! YOU WOULDN'T GIVE UP YOUR ARM FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?! I think I might do it! I mean, you would still love me if I only had one arm, right?"

Thinking, which is not what a woman wants her husband to do after being asked this question, Jake says, "Uh...I don't...may...I guess I would, but, I WOULDN'T GIVE UP MY ARM!! Not even for a million dollars!!"

After a little banter, I let it go. We each turn back to our computers, clicking our mice.

A few minutes pass, and I'm sure Jake is no longer thinking about it, but, I was.

Breaking the silence, I say, "Honey, what about a finger? How much would it take for you to give up a finger?"

"What the fuck's wrong with you? It would take a lot. Maybe a hundred thousand. I like all my parts. All of them. I need all my fingers. Not even for the well-being of our family. I'd rather stress over money for the rest of our lives and have all my parts, than live the rest of it worry free, without an appendage! You're such a freak!"

"Well, you're a selfish prick!"

What about you? How much are your arms/fingers/other parts worth?

Post It Note Tuesday...

I'm found this carnival via my crazy Canadian friend, Melinda. It looks like fun, and it's still Tuesday for a little while longer.

So, here goes...

Pothead...

I love my pot!

I love the way it makes me feel.

My head feels clearer when I use the pot.

I heart my pot...A LOT!

I even had to Google how often you can safely use the pot.

I thought I might OD on the pot. Turns out...what your stoner friends told you, is true. You can't overdose on the pot!

So, to cope with the allergy symptoms I've been suffering this season...I've become a pothead!

A Neti pothead, that is!!

All Hallows Eve...

Totally ditching the kids this Halloween for a bad ass concert!

Don't worry, they'll be fine. You give a kid a bucket of candy...they forget all about the neglect!

We saw these guys in Austin at ACL...and this is the concert we were trying to get into when Jake was snapped and curtsied at, by two gay, middle aged men.

Ghostland Observatory.

They are RIDICULOUS, and put on one helluva show. Complete with lasers and glow sticks!! Yeah, it's that kinda party.

Our friends are coming up from Austin, and my good friend D, from high school, and her husband are hanging with us.

D and J are dressing up as the Queen of Hearts and the Madd Hatter from Alice...Tucker and his girl are gonna come up with something...which just leaves Jake and I.

Jake really doesn't want to dress up...and I wanna do something that I'll be able to be comfortable in for the show.

What'd'ya think? What should I dress up as?

I have a fro that would be fun...and thought about dressing up as the lead singer with tight ass jeans, braids, and aviators.

Are you guys dressing up this year? If so...I need ideas. Cheap, easy, ideas conducive for the groove that I'll be getting on!

Priorities...

We're on a pretty tight budget.

You know, since I don't have a job that pays me a respectable sum of money...and because those assholes won't let me into nursing school!

Yesterday, at the grocery store, I was given a set dollar amount, not to exceed.

In the check out line, as my total grew and grew, then teetered just over the edge of my limit...I was forced to make a decision.

A decision that completely revealed my priorites.

I put back a bottle of these...

That would help to keep Jake and I healthy during flu season, to buy a box of this...


That would help me get my drink on, this weekend.

Cast your stones, if you must...they won't hurt me, because I'll be buzzin'!

Scrooge...

It's coming.

No matter how deep I dig my heels into October, it's coming to an end. I'm sure November is gonna do the same damn thing. Then, December will come along, thumbing her nose at me, as she whizzes right by!

Yes, December is a she...cuz she's a bitch!!

I lovelovelovelove spending time with family and all the good food during the holidays.

That's it!!

I hate every other part of it!!

It's ridiculous. I bet if Jesus were here, he would even think it was a little silly. I always hear, "Jesus is the reason for the season." I call bullshit on that.

I can guarantee that kids only have their minds on one man during the holidays...and sorry, Jesus, that man is Santa!!

I can also guarantee that Jesus was the furthest thing from my mind last year when I had a glass or two, too much wine, and verbally assaulted my SIL, over a giant chartreuse purse, during a Chinese gift exchange. We're still cool, though. It wasn't the first time it happened...and it likely, won't be the last!

Speaking of Chinese gift exchanges, no one was thinking about Jesus when Jake and I someone wrapped up a GI-normous summer sausage and two cheeseballs up, to look like...well, the male genitalia, because we thought it was hilarious they were sick and twisted!! And the rest of the family wasn't thinking about Jesus either, when they gave it to Jake's grandmother to open!!

I digress...

Alas, there is one more part of the holidays that I heart. It's actually my fave-avorite part of all...

HOLIDAY CARDS!!

We plan these year/s in advance because we have so much fun. The kids love it, and it's a blast seeing what we can come up with each year!

Here are the last three year's cards...

Last night we photographed and I worked on this year's Christmas card! Dude, I'm stoked!

I was talking about it on Facebook, and people were calling me 'over achiever' and 'show off.' I would like to address those claims.

First, I am anything BUT an over achiever. I have, and from what I can tell, always will, do the bare minimum to squeak by. I set goals and work for them. However, I will slack off in the beginning, but finish HELLA strong!! It's just how I roll, yo. I'm lazy. Lazy people are NOT over-achievers!!

Second, the claims that I'm a 'show off.' Well, that may be partly true, but these holiday cards are the only joy I get out of the season. I hate Christmas. All the shopping, all the wrapping, all the stress, the financial drain, all the 'I want this, I want that'!! Ugh...it makes me clench my teeth just thinking about it!! Anyway, these cards are my most favorite part...so, maybe I'm showing off. But, Dammit Jim, just let me have my moment, 'kay?!

I'm dying to show you 2009's card, but, I think I should at least wait until after Halloween to get them out!!

Oh, yeah! That reminds me. Some of you bloggy friends of mine, have become well, friends. If you would trust me, and you don't think it's too weird, I'd love to have some of your addresses for when we send out cards. If you wouldn't mind emailing them to me.

I guess if you don't trust me, and you do think it's too weird...then, we just aren't that good of friends, now are we? And, I'm hurt!

300...and a giveaway!

This is my 300th post. It really doesn't mean shit, but, I thought it was a nice round number, on which, to announce my first giveaway winner!

I really appreciate all your help with the name of my photography business.

The winner of the Target gift card, for, like, $10.83 goes to...

Kameron at A Wrinkle in Time...with "Phuckin' Photography".

I LOVED IT!!

Albeit a kickass name...I can't use it. I mean, I could. But, I probably wouldn't be a very successful photographer.

I can just see all the ladies at the church potluck...

"Oh, I LOVED your maternity pictures. Who did them?"

"Nikki at Phuckin' Photography. Aren't they great?"

Silence would ensue...awkward glances...and nary a referral!!

So, there is another winner.

Brooke at Dinkypops No More! She was the first to suggest "Nikki B Photography," and I think it sounds great!

Sorry, Brooke. You're stuck with the WalMart gift card!!

Thanks so much, guys!!