Saturday, August 13, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Dear Medical Assistant at my Doc’s office:
I got your message. Thanks for letting me know my test results. Since I’m getting
old older, I was actually a bit worried about this last scraping of my cervix. Well, the scraping of the half of a cervix that was left after my poor, tired, uterus was removed. The remaining half that was too mangled and twisted and wrapped around my bladder to be removed. That old thing.
Side note: I bet my uterus looked rad. It was probably all graffiti’ed up, there were probably bean bag chairs in the corner of it, Christmas lights strung throughout it. That’s what I bet the inside of that puppy looked like. Hendrix and Marley posters lined the walls of it. I just described my first dorm room, insinuating I gave birth to pot smoking college kids.
Yeah, this is what you said, and I quote, “Yes, this is So-and-So from Dr. So-and-So’s office, with your pap smear results. They initially came back abnormal, so we sent them for further testing, and they came back normal. So, we’ll see you next year. Thanks and have a good afternoon.”
So, bottom line, my mangled mess left over from my baby maker is normal. Normal, right? Couldn’t you just have left it at that? I’m getting
old older. I don’t need to hear shit like my shit was abnormal. Hearing shit like that, scares the shit outta me.
You made my ears start ringing and my head start pounding…and MY FUCKING HEART JUMPED UP INTO MY FUCKING THROAT FOR A SPLIT SECOND! Was it really necessary to deliver the new that way?
That was rhetorical. No. No, So, and So, it wasn’t. Next time, a simple, “Your test results came back normal,” will be fine, alright? Ya dig?
Thanks again, and I hope YOU have a great afternoon. You know, unless a medical assistant tells YOU that YOUR shit is abnormal!
Until next year, when I hop back in the stirrups again,
Posted by Nikki B. at 10:04 PM
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
You know you're the former when this song is blaring on the way home from the bar..
I had a damn good night out on the town in their small town in MD with my brother and sister-in-law, for my birthday; old, drunk, and all!
Posted by Nikki B. at 10:04 AM
Sunday, August 7, 2011
♫ Joy (pump it up, pump it up)…and Pain ♫
♫ Like sunshine (what else, what else), and Rain ♫
We’ve seen it all in our marriage, and I can easily say that I love him so much more today than I did 13 years ago, when I said “I do,” in that tiny little chapel on Las Vegas Blvd. I can’t take all the credit for breezing through the past 15 years with this man. Rob Base sang it best (again) when he sang…
♫ It takes two to make a thing go right…It takes two to make it outta sight… ♫
Man that rapper knows a thing or two about love!
Happy Anniversary to my lobster!
Posted by Nikki B. at 9:58 PM