This one thinks he’s human…
And that one thinks he’s a dog…
Posted by Nikki B. at 3:22 PM
A couple of days ago, I was meeting up with the ladies in my car pool. We were heading to the state psychiatric hospital for our clinical orientation. That part of the story is neither here nor there, really, except that's it is here (I'm going on Tuesday of next week)...and I'm
fucking scared a bit apprehensive about the whole thing!
Anyway, it was a chilly morning, I had my big pea coat on, and as I was getting into my friend, E's car, I noticed a tag hanging out of my pea coat pocket. I reached into my pocket that was quite full of something that was attached to the tag, and this is what I pulled out...
That’s a thong. A dude thong. A Christmassy, elfy, (complete with jingle bells) banana hammock, if you will!!
Actually, my compadres hadn’t seen me pull it out of my pocket…but, my hysterical laughter caught their attention. Then, the red velour and jingly bells on the banana hammock caught their eye.
When I could catch my breath, I had some ‘splainin’ to do…
“You see…what had happened was….we do this Chinese gift exchange during Christmas, and sometimes there are gag gifts. And this particular gag gift was attached to a GINORMOUS bottle of vodka…”
BIGGEST. BOTTLE. EVA!!!
“…and I wanted the vodka to put into my Red Bull, so I got the vodka, and by default, Jake inherited a banana-hammock. And I was planning on ditching the thong, but, then, had a thought, that it might make a really great Christmas card, if I could talk Jake into putting it on. So, I thought I should keep it. So, I stuck it in my pocket. In my pea coat pocket. And there it stayed. ”
I should really be more careful about where I keep Jake’s banana hammocks!!
Where do you keep YOUR banana hammocks?
Posted by Nikki B. at 5:52 PM
The new pup has adapted well, and he’s one of the family now. He fits right in. He’s not near as “alpha-dog” as Tucker the Fucker was, and is a bit more obedient. For now, anyway.
Our biggest struggle with Tucker and the thing that led to his disappearance, was his disregard for boundaries. He would bolt out of the front door, and no one could catch him. And the mistake we made with him, was allowing all the neighborhood kids to chase him. Tucker thought it was a fun game to run the streets, and watch the idiotic bipeds try to capture him.
Jobin Todd (yes, we gave him a fancy middle name, too) isn’t allowed out of our front yard. Simple verbal commands, a stern, “NO,” the snapping of our fingers, and a bit of cheese as a reward for staying in the yard, and returning inside on his own, is all we need to keep this little guy in our yard.
We hired a couple of well trained marksmen to maintain a perimeter while the pup is on the loose. The guns are loaded and these guys have twitchy fingers if that mutt so much as glances at the street!
For the record…I’m kidding. We don’t shoot the dog. I mean, on purpose. We haven’t shot him. Yet. I mean, he may one day be shot on accident. I don’t know. There are no guarantees in our household that you will not be shot by an airsoft gun. .
Actually, there’s a pretty good chance that you will get shot, whether you have two legs, or four. It’s just the way we roll around here. I suggest goggles and a bullet proof vest if you come to visit.
Posted by Nikki B. at 10:13 PM
Today…lounging in sweats, my lover’s robe, and furry boots, while watching cartoons with the girl, and surfing the web…
Damn…I’m really gonna miss this!!
I wish I could just blink my eyes, and it’d me May…
Posted by Nikki B. at 5:10 PM
Jake and I got the new MyTouch 4G’s the other day, and I freakin’ love them. I was switching from the iPhone, and was nervous about the switch.
But, dayum, this phone is cool.
We have video chat. Which, at first, I thought was wicked awesome. If I’m being honest, my initial thoughts were sick and twisted and about taking sexting to a whole new level, with my lover. And, you know…just, in general, thought it would be cool to video chat with Jake throughout the day. Because…one might get laid off in these “tough economic times” for having phone sex at work. Even if it is with your wife.
ANY-FRICKIN’-WHO…why did you let me go THERE???
Today, my phone rang and it was Jake for a video chat. I was sitting here at the desk. Fucking around on facebook and BlogFrog. Doing nothing productive.
I reached down to answer the phone, and I panicked.
Oh shit. He’s gonna see that I’m just sitting here in the office. I should run to the kitchen and pretend that I was cleaning it. No…I should run to the laundry room. I’ve actually done a load today, this could be that load. No…I’m supposed to be taking it easy from my oral surgery. I should run to the bedroom and lay down.
AAAAAAAAALL this shit ran through my head in the instant that I looked down to see the video chat request.
Lucky for me, this new technology has a few kinks to iron out, and it doesn’t work all that great. He couldn’t see me. I called him back and I couldn’t see him. So we just gave up.
And the kitchen is still dirty. And the laundry still needs to be done. And I’m still fucking around on the computer!
Posted by Nikki B. at 4:57 PM
So, you’ve heard me bitch and moan about kids these days and their video games. If you haven’t heard me bitch and moan about how ridiculous I think video games are, these days, you can go here, and here.
A brief synopsis of what I bitch and moan about…
Kids are so spoiled and I’m always harping on my kids about how, “when I was a kid, we couldn’t save our progress in a video game…if we wanted to win, we invested blood sweat and tears…if our mom’s called us to dinner, we started over…and…and…AND…we beat our video games with 3 lives. THREE!!!”
These rants always go right over my kids’ heads and they look at me blankly, wait for my raving to come to and end, then they play their silly games.
Well, yesterday, on our snow day, I found a download on our Wii for the ORIGINAL Super Mario Brothers. The first one. That we grew up on.
I was stoked. For $5, I was able to download the full version of the game, and afford my children a glimpse at what I’m always talking (read: bitching) about, when I play their games.
They hate it. They think it’s stupid. They’re completely uncoordinated at the 2 dimensional play, with no back track and a limited number of lives. They are frustrated by it. They don’t understand how to find the hidden blocks and tricks, and they have very little patience for the game.
And I couldn’t BE more thrilled about it!!
I’m thinking about not letting them play their games that pretty much beat themselves…until they are able to beat this game…a REAL video game!!
Posted by Nikki B. at 8:49 PM
Mawage is wut bwings us togedder toooday...
|Photo from here.|
Posted by Nikki B. at 10:41 PM
Love a lazy Saturday.
This is what we’re doing…
Cooking breakfast (at 11am!)…
Hanging out online…
Icing my aching jaw (I had a tooth pulled and implant placed yesterday!…Like those glassy eyes? I do!)…
What are you doing?
Posted by Nikki B. at 11:02 AM
Listening to the Black Eyed Peas (rather than eating them…because, ewwww!) today, to ring in the new year!
Happy New Year to you all!
Notice I didn’t say “Happy New Year’s”…
*New Year’s what exactly, now that we’re not talking about it’s “Eve” anymore?*
or “Happy New Years”…
*B’cause, thank god…these years only come in one at a time, last I checked!*
Nope…just plain ole, “Happy New Year” Mo-Fos!
Posted by Nikki B. at 8:43 PM